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'AITA for asking my husband not to invite his kids out with us on MY birthday?'

'AITA for asking my husband not to invite his kids out with us on MY birthday?'


Being a step-parent requires a lot of open communication and honesty, both with your partner, and eventually with the kids themselves.

Finding the balance between stepping in as a bonus parent when desired, and giving them space with their blood parents can be tricky. A lot of people make it work and then some, it just takes open negotiations.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she's wrong for not wanting her older step-kids there on her birthday hang out.

She wrote:

AITA for asking my husband not to invite the stepkids out with us?

Okay's my birthday in a week's time. My husband and I share one child together who is a toddler and I have two older stepchildren who are in their mid-teens. My stepkids live with us half the week with alternating weekends.

My husband tends to work the weekends that my stepkids aren't with us and as I work in the week, it's quite rare that we do anything me, him, and our child together. We do lots of family days out on the weekends my stepkids are with us.

Anyway, this year he booked my birthday off work which was a nice surprise, and has said we can do anything I want. It might sound a little odd but honestly, I'd just really like to take our toddler somewhere a bit focused on them and have a day out me, husband and our toddler.

It's very rare they get to do something focused on their age group with both of us and our full attention. I have a really good relationship with my stepchildren but when we go out, we tend to ensure its older kid focused as they get bored easily and they don't want to do anything considered lame / boring and will complain the whole time.

They also struggle a lot with fighting between the two of them so most days out there are at least one or two fall outs. It's life with teens that's fine. But anyway, on my birthday I'd really just like to go somewhere the 3 of us where we can focus on the little one and not have to worry about older ones getting bored/ arguing / wanting to go home etc.

Seeing as they weren't supposed to be with us this weekend anyway I thought it would be a good opportunity to do that. Anyway....husband has now suggested he ask his ex if we can have older ones that day so they can come with us.

I've said I'd rather not to be honest, and It's now a big deal and I'm apparently excluding and saying I don't like them (never have or would say that!). AITA for saying that on MY birthday, a day where the older ones were never meant to be with us anyway, I'd prefer it if my husband didn't try and change plans to bring along the older ones?

EDIT TO ADD: We are all going for a meal 2 days after my birthday which is when the older ones will next be with us.

People shared their thoughts and rulings on the situation.

Whitestaunton wrote:


'Anyway, this year he booked my birthday off work which was a nice surprise and has said we can do anything I want.'

*'Except it actually has to be something that my teens who are not supposed to be with us that day actually want to do and your an AH if you want to choose something that is about you or about your toddler'

No you are not the AH he is being one especially as you are already planning to celebrate with the teens when they come over anyway.

Things to consider:

It is YOUR birthday.

All relationships need attention not just the one with his teens.

You are entitled to want something or some time to yourself occasionally. Even non step parents have date nights and adult time.

You have 3 children and the toddler needs to not spend her life only tagging along to teen appropriate things.

In a healthy non blended family everything would not revolve around 2 of the members of that family to the exclusion of everyone else. It breeds entitlement.

Has your husband got unresolved guilt around his divorce.

-Jewelz- wrote:

Honestly, I think you need to talk about how you feel about your husband working every weekend that the older kids aren’t there. He does still have one kid there he is responsible for.

If he didn’t work every weekend they were away, I doubt you would even be in the position you are right now.

kittymom2020 wrote:

NTA. Honestly, your life is set up so you NEVER have the opportunity to have your husband and the child you share to yourself. It's only natural to want one day a year you can have that.

PS- I take my comments back if your husband has insisted that your baby should spend the day with his ex on her birthday.

Parasamgate wrote:

NTA. AT ALL. It doesn't matter if they are stepkids, or fruit of your womb, having kids around all the time is a recipe for never getting time and opportunity to do what you want, which is a catalyst for resentment and depression.

ALL parents want a night away sometimes. And the smart ones take it. You all can celebrate with them on the following weekend. Husband should be making this about you, not trying to compensate for his feelings of inadequacy as a parent or taking your day to shore up his relation with them.

OP is incredibly far from being TA, hopefully, this can be easily resolved so she can have a cute day with her toddler and husband.

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