It's never fun when your friend starts dating someone you don't get along with. It can cause tensions in your friendship, drive a rift in a friend group, and even permanently ruin a friendship.
Finding the line between being honest about your discomfort with a friend's partner, and respecting their romantic choices can sometimes feel impossible. And as anyone who has been in these shoes knows: when you mess up that line, things quickly get dramatic.
AITA for asking my friend to not bring his girlfriend on our vacation even though he’s providing the accommodation? I’m going on a ski trip in a few weeks with my friends. My friend, Dante, is providing free accommodation for our entire group.
Dante’s girlfriend, Grace, asked to come on the trip too when she heard about it. We didn’t know her well when she originally asked and since Dante wanted her there everybody said it was fine. However, Grace makes me uncomfortable.
I’ve been friends with Dante since we were both babies so we’re close. Nothing romantic has ever happened between us but Grace has started asking me some weird and inappropriate questions recently. She’s asked me things like if I find him attractive and if I would date him if he gave me the time of day. She also told me I definitely wasn’t his type even though I never asked.
I don’t want her on the trip so I asked Dante to not bring her. I told him she made me uncomfortable and he said he would need to think about it.
I guess he told her she couldn’t come and why because she’s angry at me and thinks I’m doing this to cause issues in their relationship. She thinks I shouldn’t go if I’m so uncomfortable around her instead of forcing him to uninvite her. Our group is divided so AITA?
People on the internet were quick to respond with just as much division as OP's friend group.
Humble-Unit8379 thinks everyone sucks:
ESH. His gf is insecure about your relationship with Dante and is being weird with you. But Dante is hosting and you asked him to disinvite his gf, which makes you an AH. The fact that he did as you said (and told his gf) is a little odd and is only going to make his gf more suspect of you.
shhh_its_me doesn't think OP is sharing the full story:
IDK, maybe OP has been making it weird for awhile, 'disinvite your girlfriend from the ski trip, because she asked if I'd ever date you and that makes being comfortable.' This is the sort of thing you do if you want to break up your friend and their GF.
GF acted insecure but was about a 2 or maybe a 4 on the weird scale op went right to 11 like spinal tap( op is a parody of jealous possessive BFF).
OP said jump and the BF immediately proved his girlfriend's suspicions. Whether OP is interested in the guy or not, OP can and will inset herself in his relationship and OP will win. I honestly would expect her to break up with BF over this. And asking a few awkward questions could have just turned into a funny story.
scmisc had a short and succinct take:
I think they're all AH's.
At face value, there isn't a single person in this post that is handling this maturely.
Squinky75 has no time for OP's entitlement:
YTA. Where do you get off telling your friend who he can or cannot take to accommodations he is providing? ESPECIALLY his own girlfriend? If you are so uncomfortable, YOU stay home!
whatisthismuppetry feels bad for Dante's girlfriend:
He's the one providing accommodation so he should be able to bring his partner along. You had the option not to go, if you were uncomfortable with the people he invited you could have chosen not to go. Also with multiple people on the trip you could avoid interacting with her too much.
I don't even know if her behavior is all that objectionable either.
'She’s asked me things like if I find him attractive and if I would date him if he gave me the time of day. She also told me I definitely wasn’t his type even though I never asked.'
Grace isn't necessarily asking or saying anything weird, at least not for a new-ish girlfriend. She's very obviously insecure about your relationship with Dante and/or trying to work out what the boundaries of your relationship is.
There's not enough information to tell if that's because you're doing something to make Grace think you're interested, OR if Dante is doing something to make her think he's interested in you OR if she's just insecure.
'I don’t want her on the trip so I asked Dante to not bring her [because she's made me uncomfortable with these questions].'
However, the fact that you asked him to leave his GF behind because she was worried about your relationship with Dante (and that he agreed to do it) suggests that your relationship is probably veering into uncomfortably close territory.
I've had my friend's girlfriends ask me these questions before and I don't think they've ever made me properly uncomfortable, and certainly not to the point I'd ask my friend to ban their partner from a trip my friend was paying for.
Did it occur to you that this trip could have been a chance to reassure her and let her see there's nothing between you and Dante? That asking him to uninvite her would actually lead to her thinking her worst insecurities are true? Did you think Dante would lie to her about the reason she was uninvited?
You caused a pick me or her situation and I think he picked you. That alone would suggest Grace isn't being the 'crazy jealous' GF.
The responses to this post certainly didn't give OP the affirmation she was seeking. But the comments are still open for the tides to shift.