Exchanging gifts during the holidays should be a joyful activity.
Picking out a gift for someone should be an expression of love, not contempt or manipulation. But people have complicated relationships with presents, and sometimes the semantics around picking gifts can create conflict.
AITA? My fiancé thinks I should be happy with any present he gets me- even if I tell him specifically what to get or not.
My (42f) fiancé (45m) and I have been together for 8 years. For the past several Christmases we end up arguing about the gifts he’s got for me. And I end up not getting him the right things either.
So to try to avoid that this year I brought up making lists for each other. He seemed ok with that until I said what I don’t want him to get me- specifically anything purple or any scarves, that was it.
He got mad and said I should be grateful for whatever I get and that since I’m “poor” (I’m a SAHM with very little income) that I should just be happy to get anything at all. He says I’m spoiled for saying anything and that I ruin Christmas every year.
He thinks he can get me whatever, including a purple scarf and I should just be happy and say thank you and wear it. AITA for saying what I do or don’t want as gifts for Christmas and telling him to not get me anything if he can’t abide by my wishes?
I don’t hate purple, and sometimes I wear purple, though it’s rare that I buy anything on purpose (I sometimes get hand-me-downs or buy bags of second hand clothes in my size/style.)
The main reason I don’t want purple things is bc my mom only wears purple aside from neutrals. Seriously, she is the purple queen.
But then when he and I get into arguments over other random things he often says that I’m just like my mom, which I don’t think is true, but that part doesn’t matter.
If he doesn’t like that I might be like my mom, why does he buy me things so that I look like her? It’s exhausting just thinking about why.
Sorry if this edit changes anyone’s opinion, but I don’t think it will. Although some people might think he has a thing for my mom, but I can’t even imagine that bc she’s almost 70!
You’re “poor?” You’re his damn fiancé. Leave him and find a man that respects you.
'You'll take what you get and you'll LIKE it'
NTA. You are his partner. You're only 'poor' if he's poor. The larger issue is his disrespect and failure to consider you two a unit financially.
Of course, if you tell him you don't want a purple scarf he shouldn't fly off the handle saying you're spoiled and should be grateful for a purple scarf! Does he even like you?
NTA but I think you should reconsider your relationship with someone who insults you immediately just for mentioning your preferences. Also what kind of spouse is he that he doesn't get things in your favorite color?
NTA. He sounds kind of like a narcissist, tbh. I can't imagine getting mad over someone saying they didn't want something VERY specific. It's an individual preference and people are allowed to have those.
Why have you spent eight years with a man who sees himself as a gift to you, doesn’t care whether you get something you like for Christmas, and calls you poor when you’re staying at home with presumably his child?
Why do you both continue to argue over Christmas year after year instead of buying yourselves what you want? ESH this sounds toxic and sad.
Clearly, no one sides with OP's husband on this one. The main question is if OP will stay with him after such a massive wave of people calling out his red flag behavior.