Woman won't let homeless BF move in with her; he says 'you won't deserve my peak.'

Figuring out boundaries with a partner can be really hard.

On one hand, a healthy relationship includes supporting each other through all sorts of hardships: financial, mental, and emotional.

On the other hand, you need to look out for yourself and nip potentially unsustainable or toxic relationship patterns in the bud.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she's wrong for not letting her (now) homeless boyfriend move in.

She wrote:

AITA for not letting my homeless boyfriend move in with me?

Hi. I am 30/f and have been dating this guy 27/m for almost 3 years. We have been on again off again and honestly, it’s beginning to show that it’s just not working.

But we do love each other and he makes me feel safe - but we just both want different things. I have a good career, own my two bedroom condo, my car and etc. I want my partner to be my equal.

He used to work on cars but then got fired for attitude problems and was a delivery driver up until September of last year. He was living rent-free at a friend's until that friend decided to sell the home and move out of state.

My boyfriend and his cat are now living with his brother and his wife while not contributing to bills. Now my boyfriend is mad that I won’t let him move in.

But he can’t contribute to the bills, and he doesn’t like to clean and complains about it when I ask him to help me. He says “well if you don’t want me at my lowest then you don’t deserve me at my peak.”

He has no education, trade skills, or anything and just keeps saying he is going to join the military but he keeps getting rejected. He knows I love his cat and is now threatening to get rid of the cat if I don’t let him move in.

I’ve told him so many times that I believe in him but I refuse to allow him to sit around my home, eat my food, and do nothing.

And before anyone asks why I don’t just adopt the cat and leave the man. I can’t take his cat bc I currently have 3 of my own and his has feline leukemia which is a serious condition and is contagious to other felines. Am I the a**hole for telling him no?

The internet did not hold back.

Electrical_Angle_701 wrote:

Plot twist: This is his peak.

NTA. Protect yourself.

bishop0408 wrote:

YTA for not breaking up w him already. Stop dragging it on.

seregil42 wrote:

NTA.

'Well if you don't want me at my lowest then you don't deserve me at my peak.'

The problem is that you currently have him at his peak. He's not going to turn it around. Get out of that relationship. You'll get nothing from it.

aj_the_enfp wrote:

NTA.

Here's why:

He was fired for attitude problems. The events that you tell show that they were right. He has attitude problems.

He's living rent free and is not contributing. Do you think that's going to change once he moves in with you? He'll mooch off of you.

He's threatening you with getting rid of a living creature he knows you love. That's manipulation, emotional manipulation, blackmail in a way. He's angry with you for not letting him into your home. Your personal space. Your private space. If you let him in, he's going to cross the rest of your boundaries, too.

He cannot take no for an answer. That's just going to escalate every time he wants something, no matter what it is. He apparently has no backup plan for his life. If the military keeps telling him no, then a) there's obviously a reason, and b) he needs to have another plan for a job.

The 'you don't deserve him' comment. He is refusing to acknowledge that he has issues that need to be worked through and sorted out. That will make living with him a nightmare.

OP, you said right off the bat the relationship isn't going to work out. If that's true, then the last thing you need is to get even deeper in with him by sharing a living space. You are not the a-hole for telling him no.

Obviously, OP is NTA in this situation, and the only thing she's done wrong is not dump him yet.