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<p>If you&#39;re a woman at a bar, and a man offers you a free drink, it&#39;s almost never free. There is usually the expectation that you&#39;ll get to know each other, flirt, or possibly hook up, and even if that&#39;s not tacitly expected free drinks from strangers can be loaded with silent assumptions.</p><h2>In a recent post online, a woman named Jennifer Dziura shared the negative responses she&#39;s received from men when she countered their drink offers with food suggestions.</h2><p>She opened her post by stating that many men who buy women drinks are hoping to purchase &quot;a lowering of woman&#39;s defenses&quot; and that has only been confirmed by her personal experiences.</p><figure class="image"><div class="image-container"><img alt="" data-attribution="Ashleys" data-attribution-url="https://ashleys.co/image/187045525132" height="555" src="//cdn.someecards.com/posts/barone-yKMBHu.jpg" width="700" /></div> <figcaption></figcaption> <div class="image-attribution"><a href="https://ashleys.co/image/187045525132">Ashleys</a></div></figure><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>She wrote:</p><blockquote> <p>I&#39;ve responded to this elsewhere around the Internet. Men who offer to buy women drinks are often intending to purchase a lowering of the woman&#39;s defenses. If you are a woman in a bar and a man offers to buy you a drink, try this: cheerfully ask for something nonalcoholic, while indicating a willingness to get to know the guy. At least 50% of men will be angry.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>They weren&#39;t offering a gift or just trying to strike up conversation: they wanted you to be drunk and to let down your guard. In my own experience, I have twice been offered a drink and instead suggested food -- in both cases, very inexpensive food costing the same or less than a drink -- and in both case the man responded angrily.</p> </blockquote><h2>Dziura went on to share two different times when she countered a drink offer with the suggestion to grab cheap food and chat, neither of which were accepted enthusiastically.</h2><p>It felt pretty clear that the end goal wasn&#39;t even getting to know her, it was gaming the chance of a quick hook-up.</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div><figure class="image"><div class="image-container"><img alt="" data-attribution="Ashleys" data-attribution-url="https://ashleys.co/image/187045525132" height="383" src="//cdn.someecards.com/posts/concertpopcorn-ByfJFn.jpg" width="700" /></div> <figcaption></figcaption> <div class="image-attribution"><a href="https://ashleys.co/image/187045525132">Ashleys</a></div></figure><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>In one case, I met a guy at a concert. I liked him. He suggested going to get a drink, but I was starving and suggested the kebab place around the corner. I can&#39;t remember who paid but I had a cheap bowl of soup and the guy pouted and I never saw him again.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>The other time, I had done standup in a bar and an older guy offered to buy me a drink. I said I actually would love some popcorn, which was being sole ** at the bar for $.** The man got angry and acted like I had cheated him somehow.</p> </blockquote><figure class="image"><div class="image-container"><img alt="" height="161" src="//cdn.someecards.com/posts/3-5d569cdc76796700-CP7Tf0.jpg" width="700" /></div> <figcaption></figcaption> </figure><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>Dziura&#39;s post quickly went viral and she received an in-depth response from a bartender who corroborated her assessment.</h2><h2><a href="https://ashleys.co/post/187045525132/greek-god-of-hair-erwin-with-hairpins" target="_blank">Erwin-With-Hairpins</a> shared the ways they try to help women in uncomfortable situations, and drinks and tactics people can use to communicate discomfort to their bartenders.</h2><blockquote> <p>Gonna add on to this:<br /> From the other side of the bar, I see this crap all the time.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>Seriously. I work at a high-density bar, and let me tell you, I have anywhere from 10-20 guys every night come up and tell me to, &ldquo;serve her a stronger drink, I&rsquo;m trying to get lucky tonight, know what I mean?&rdquo; usually accompanied with a wink and a gesture at a girl who, in my experience, is going to go from mildly buzzed to definitively hammered if I keep serving her.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>Now, I like to think I&rsquo;m a responsible bartender, so I usually tell guys like that to piss off, and, if I can, try to tell the girl&rsquo;s more sober friends that they need to keep an eye on her. But everyone- just so you know, most of the time, when someone you don&rsquo;t know is buying you a drink, they&rsquo;re NOT doing it out of a sense of cordiality, they&rsquo;re buying you a drink for the sole purpose of making you let your guard down. So:</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>They urged women to keep an eye on their drinks and never let a stranger carry them from the bar to the table.</h2><blockquote> <p>Tips for getting drinks-</p> <p>1. ALWAYS GO TO THE BAR TO GET YOUR OWN DRINK, DO NOT LET STRANGERS CARRY YOUR DRINKS. This is an opportune time for dropping something into your cocktail, and you&rsquo;re none the wiser.</p> </blockquote><h2>They also assured readers that most bartenders don&#39;t care if you order non-alcoholic drinks and they can usually tell when a patron is navigating an uncomfortable exchange.</h2><blockquote> <p>2. IF YOU ORDER SOMETHING NON-ALCOHOLIC, I promise you, the bartender doesn&rsquo;t give two shits that you&rsquo;re not drinking cocktails with your friends, and often, totally understands that you don&rsquo;t want to let your guard down around strangers.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>Usually, you can just tell the bartender that you&rsquo;d like something light, and that&rsquo;s a big clue to us that you&rsquo;re uncomfortable with whomever you&rsquo;re standing next to. Again, we see this all the time.</p> </blockquote><h2>They ended the response by including a list of alcoholic drinks that are light and unlikely to get you wasted, but camouflage well.</h2><blockquote> <p>3. If you&rsquo;re in a position to where you feel uncomfortable not ordering alcohol: Here&rsquo;s a list of light liquors, and mixers that won&rsquo;t get you drunk, and will still look like an actual cocktail:</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>X-rated + sprite = easy to drink, sweet, and 12% alcoholic content. Not strong at all, usually runs $6-$8, depending on your state.</p> <p>Amaretto + sour= sweet, not strong, 26%.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>&quot;Peach Schnapps+ ginger ale= tastes like mellow butterscotch, 24%.</p> <p>Melon liquor (Midori, in most bars) + soda water = not overly sweet, 21%</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>Coffee liquor (Kahlua) +soda = not super sweet, 20%.</p> <p>Hope this helps someone out!&quot;</p> </blockquote><p>While it&#39;s certainly not ideal to have fears about men&#39;s shady intentions confirmed, it&#39;s comforting to know that bartenders are often keying in to what&#39;s going on.</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div>

Woman's post about the motives behind being bought a drink at a bar goes viral.

If you&#39;re a woman at a bar, and a man offers you a free drink, it&#39;s almost never free. There is usually the expectation that you&#39;ll get to know each other, flirt, or possibly hook up, and even if that&#39;s not tacitly expected free drinks from strangers can be loaded with silent assumptions.In a recent post online, a woman named Jennifer Dziura shared the negative responses she&#39;s received from men when she countered their drink offers with food suggestions.She opened her post by stating that many men who buy women drinks are hoping to purchase &quot;a lowering of woman&#39;s defenses&quot; and that has only been confirmed by her personal experiences.  AshleysShe wrote: I&#39;ve responded to this elsewhere around the Internet. Men who offer to buy women drinks are often intending to purchase a lowering of the woman&#39;s defenses. If you are a woman in a bar and a man offers to buy you a drink, try this: cheerfully ask for something nonalcoholic, while indicating a willingness to get to know the guy. At least 50% of men will be angry.  They weren&#39;t offering a gift or just trying to strike up conversation: they wanted you to be drunk and to let down your guard. In my own experience, I have twice been offered a drink and instead suggested food -- in both cases, very inexpensive food costing the same or less than a drink -- and in both case the man responded angrily. Dziura went on to share two different times when she countered a drink offer with the suggestion to grab cheap food and chat, neither of which were accepted enthusiastically.It felt pretty clear that the end goal wasn&#39;t even getting to know her, it was gaming the chance of a quick hook-up.  Ashleys In one case, I met a guy at a concert. I liked him. He suggested going to get a drink, but I was starving and suggested the kebab place around the corner. I can&#39;t remember who paid but I had a cheap bowl of soup and the guy pouted and I never saw him again.  The other time, I had done standup in a bar and an older guy offered to buy me a drink. I said I actually would love some popcorn, which was being sole ** at the bar for $.** The man got angry and acted like I had cheated him somehow.   Dziura&#39;s post quickly went viral and she received an in-depth response from a bartender who corroborated her assessment.Erwin-With-Hairpins shared the ways they try to help women in uncomfortable situations, and drinks and tactics people can use to communicate discomfort to their bartenders. Gonna add on to this: From the other side of the bar, I see this crap all the time.  Seriously. I work at a high-density bar, and let me tell you, I have anywhere from 10-20 guys every night come up and tell me to, &ldquo;serve her a stronger drink, I&rsquo;m trying to get lucky tonight, know what I mean?&rdquo; usually accompanied with a wink and a gesture at a girl who, in my experience, is going to go from mildly buzzed to definitively hammered if I keep serving her.  Now, I like to think I&rsquo;m a responsible bartender, so I usually tell guys like that to piss off, and, if I can, try to tell the girl&rsquo;s more sober friends that they need to keep an eye on her. But everyone- just so you know, most of the time, when someone you don&rsquo;t know is buying you a drink, they&rsquo;re NOT doing it out of a sense of cordiality, they&rsquo;re buying you a drink for the sole purpose of making you let your guard down. So: They urged women to keep an eye on their drinks and never let a stranger carry them from the bar to the table. Tips for getting drinks- 1. ALWAYS GO TO THE BAR TO GET YOUR OWN DRINK, DO NOT LET STRANGERS CARRY YOUR DRINKS. This is an opportune time for dropping something into your cocktail, and you&rsquo;re none the wiser. They also assured readers that most bartenders don&#39;t care if you order non-alcoholic drinks and they can usually tell when a patron is navigating an uncomfortable exchange. 2. IF YOU ORDER SOMETHING NON-ALCOHOLIC, I promise you, the bartender doesn&rsquo;t give two shits that you&rsquo;re not drinking cocktails with your friends, and often, totally understands that you don&rsquo;t want to let your guard down around strangers.  Usually, you can just tell the bartender that you&rsquo;d like something light, and that&rsquo;s a big clue to us that you&rsquo;re uncomfortable with whomever you&rsquo;re standing next to. Again, we see this all the time. They ended the response by including a list of alcoholic drinks that are light and unlikely to get you wasted, but camouflage well. 3. If you&rsquo;re in a position to where you feel uncomfortable not ordering alcohol: Here&rsquo;s a list of light liquors, and mixers that won&rsquo;t get you drunk, and will still look like an actual cocktail:  X-rated + sprite = easy to drink, sweet, and 12% alcoholic content. Not strong at all, usually runs $6-$8, depending on your state. Amaretto + sour= sweet, not strong, 26%.  &quot;Peach Schnapps+ ginger ale= tastes like mellow butterscotch, 24%. Melon liquor (Midori, in most bars) + soda water = not overly sweet, 21%  Coffee liquor (Kahlua) +soda = not super sweet, 20%. Hope this helps someone out!&quot; While it&#39;s certainly not ideal to have fears about men&#39;s shady intentions confirmed, it&#39;s comforting to know that bartenders are often keying in to what&#39;s going on.

In most cases, if a strange man in a bar offers you a drink he's hitting on you.