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<h2>Weddings and funerals: a place for family to gather... which usually means family drama.</h2><p>When a hairstylist was asked to do her sister&#39;s wedding hair, she refused due to the rocky nature of their relationship. But here&#39;s the thing... her sister is a cancer survivor, so this has been a huge source of family disputes. So she took to <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vebkpx/aita_for_refusing_to_do_my_sisters_hair_for_her/">Reddit</a> to ask the internet:</p><h2>&quot;AITA (Am I the as*hole) for refusing to do my sisters hair for her wedding after she survived cancer?&quot;</h2><p> </p><blockquote> <p>My sister is getting married in a couple of months. She finished cancer treatments recently and her hair has been badly affected by this. She&#39;s very self-conscious of it so she wanted me to be her hair stylist on her wedding day, instead of going to a salon. She approached me about it a month ago and I said no. There have been some very mixed opinions in our family about this so I decided to post about it and see what the consensus would be.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p> </p><blockquote> <p>Some bg/reason why I said no: She and I have had our many issues in the past. She lost one of her best friends around the same time I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder. She had expected our whole family to go to the funeral but our older brothers stayed home with me while our parents took her to the funeral.</p> </blockquote><h2>Wow, that must have been really hard for her.</h2><blockquote> <p>She was pissed at our brothers and at me. She said her friend had been the best person and we should have all been there for her. I, personally, did not like her friend. She was mean to me as a kid. She was mean to me up to the day she died even. So I wasn&#39;t grieving. I was also not good around people then. My sister told me she wished it had been me who died instead of her best friend, because at least her best friend would have cared.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>Those are seriously hurtful words. But it sounds like they were coming from a young, grief-stricken girl who was abandoned by all of her siblings in her time of need.</h2><blockquote> <p>About a year after that her boyfriend at the time had cheated on her. I had heard the rumors but our relationship was nothing at that point. She realized I must have heard the rumors and got mad at me for not telling her. I told her I hadn&#39;t cared about what was going on in her life, which is true. I reminded her of what she had said to me previously.</p> </blockquote><h2>Okay, whoa. That&#39;s definitely some as*hole behavior from the OP...</h2><blockquote> <p>We kinda patched things up after not living together for a couple of years. We weren&#39;t close, but that&#39;s to be expected I would imagine. When our oldest brother got married our SIL asked us both to be bridesmaids and asked if I could do her hair (I&#39;m a hairstylist). She got really jealous of the fact our SIL spent more time with me, and that I was more involved than she was.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p> </p><blockquote> <p>She ended up mocking me for being so quiet and saying I must be a terrible stylist because everyone knows you go to chat to the stylist as much as to get your hair done, and I can hardly hold a conversation. Our brother was so furious with her that he almost kicked her out of the wedding party. It was then that I sort of detached from her entirely.</p> </blockquote><h2>Sounds like you two have a lot of issues.</h2><blockquote> <p>So while I understand my sister is vulnerable after having cancer and going through treatment, and I realize that she&#39;s self-conscious and really needing to find someone she feels comfortable with, I do not want to do her hair. I don&#39;t want to spend that time with her. I know what she thinks of me.</p> </blockquote><p> </p><blockquote> <p>She might find me the best option because we&#39;re related. But she has treated me badly for things I cannot control and has hurt me in some really big ways. My parents are pushing for me to do it and were horrified I said no, while our brothers are on my side. AITA (Am I the as*hole)?</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>As a recent bride, a sister, and someone who also suffers from severe anxiety, I find OP&#39;s behavior deplorable.</h2><p>From her story, it seems like her sister has made two very cruel comments to her over the course of years. But OP has: 1) abandoned her at her friend&#39;s funeral and then made their brother&#39;s stay home, 2) didn&#39;t tell her about her cheating boyfriend and told her it&#39;s because she does not care about her, 3) won&#39;t do her hair on her wedding day after she <em>survived cancer</em>. Okay, now I&#39;m caught up.</p><h2>Look, me and my sister have said even worse things to each other, and I still did her makeup on her wedding day, no questions asked.</h2><p>I always thought that the small things should be put aside for huge life events like weddings and funerals, but obviously, OP does not subscribe to that philosophy. And neither do many of the Redditors who strongly favored a<strong> NTA (not the as*hole)</strong> ruling.</p><p> </p><blockquote> <p>Sounds like she would be more comfortable purely because she knows she can scream at you if she doesn&#39;t like it, blame you later if the pictures aren&#39;t to her liking, and complain about the whole thing forever. Admittedly, the people bitching about your refusal now will also probably bring it up forever, but you might as well spare yourself the work if you&#39;re screwed either way. - <a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/chernaboggles/">chernaboggles</a></p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p> </p><blockquote> <p>I&rsquo;m also a stylist! and i came here to say: overlook her sickness &amp; focus on how&rsquo;s she&rsquo;s treated you in the past. would you accept this treatment from a client? i would say no. family doesn&rsquo;t get a get out of jail free card to run us over &amp; then try to be our bffs when they need their hair done. do what is best for your health. - <a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/SKIDADDLEGETOUTTA/">SKIDADDLEGETOUTTA</a></p> </blockquote><p> </p><p>And <a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/DutyValuable/">DutyValuable</a> had this very mature response:</p><blockquote> <p>So you&rsquo;re taking someone who regularly mistreats you and is mean and makes you feel uncomfortable, and put her in a situation where she&rsquo;s stressed and anxious and her happiness depends on you doing your job according to <em>her satisfaction</em>? There&rsquo;s no way this will end well. If she wants to find a hairstylist she&rsquo;s comfortable with, she has plenty of times to interview and practice with one. Personally I would say &ldquo;you wanted me to be dead instead of your friend, so if you had your way I wouldn&rsquo;t be able to do your hair anyways.&rdquo;</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>But <a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/cat-lover76/">cat-lover76</a> brought up some practical points:</p><blockquote> <p>Your sister is a total AH (as*hole). Stick to your guns. Say that when it comes to weddings, the cake, photography, videos, makeup, and hairstyling should <strong>never</strong> be done by family members, because the bridal couple will want 1) the people they love to be able to enjoy their special day without stress, and 2) if anything goes wrong, they won&#39;t feel uncomfortable seeking financial compensation and having ongoing bad family relations for not getting satisfactory results.</p> </blockquote><h2>And then, after much scrolling, I found a voice of reason:</h2><blockquote> <p>I think you are (purposefully?) leaving out some very important details. How old was your sister when her friend passed? What she said to you was horrible, but if she was a teenager loosing her best friend, and NONE of her siblings bothered to show up and support her at the funeral because you have anxiety, I honestly understand why she acted out.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>After that, you knew her boyfriend was cheating on her, and not only did you (again) not bother telling her and supporting her, but you also told her you did not care at all about what was going on in her life. How cruel, kicking a person while their down! You then patched things up, but you still don&#39;t like her and actively excluded her during preparation for your brothers wedding. She reacted poorly (no excuse, your sister was TA here) but yet again, your siblings all sided with you against her.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>You then just quickly mention that she is getting married soon after battling cancer. Have you supported her at all during her battle with cancer or the wedding preparation? Have your other siblings? For some reason your sister keeps reaching out and has asked you to do a small thing to help her prepare for the wedding. You are not required to do anything for her obviously, so you can of course refuse to do her hair if you don&#39;t want to.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>However, I think you and your brothers sound like horrible siblings that do nothing to support your sister despite her traumas. Everyone is the asshole here IMO (in my opinion). - <a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/NoCaptain2138/">NoCaptain2138</a></p> </blockquote><h2>And they weren&#39;t alone:</h2><blockquote> <p>I agree with this completely. This whole story seems very one sided. Seems like y&rsquo;all are both very toxic and competitive. Why did you need both brothers to stay home with you for the funeral? Why would you hide the truth behind her boyfriend cheating? I feel like you both are constantly hurting each other and playing the victim. - <a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Lierra84/">Lierra84</a></p> </blockquote><p> </p><blockquote> <p>Exactly. OP has provided an account of some of the worst things her sister has ever said to her. If her sister were writing a similar account, would it sound just as bad? My bet is that it probably would.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>This sounds a lot like two siblings that have treated each other harshly and childishly carrying the same dysfunctional relationship into adulthood. Maybe they can&rsquo;t ultimately get along, but it would be best if they quit harboring resentment from childhood to their adult lives and to the grave. ESH (everyone sucks here). - <a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/K-no-B/">K-no-B</a></p> </blockquote><p> </p><blockquote> <p>I&#39;m sorry but as someone who has also struggled with anxiety since childhood, i think my sister&#39;s best friend dying, regardless of how mean they were, trumps a diagnoses of anxiety. The fact that not a single one of her family went to support her probably caused a huge rift between her and the rest of the family. I&#39;m leaning more towards YTA (you&#39;re the as*hole) because I have a feeling you&#39;re the baby of the family. - <a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/pud-sucks/">pud-sucks</a></p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>So there you have it! While they both are pretty big as*holes to each other, OP definitely does not *have* to do her sister&#39;s hair.</h2><p>But in that vein, her sister also doesn&#39;t *have* to invite OP to the wedding... and from the way OP&#39;s been dismissing all of her serious trauma, I kind of hope she does get uninvited. Or, at the very least, cheated on. Good luck out there, everyone!</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div>

Woman asks if she's wrong to refuse to style hair for cancer-surviving sister's wedding.

Weddings and funerals: a place for family to gather... which usually means family drama.When a hairstylist was asked to do her sister&#39;s wedding hair, she refused due to the rocky nature of their relationship. But here&#39;s the thing... her sister is a cancer survivor, so this has been a huge source of family disputes. So she took to Reddit to ask the internet:&quot;AITA (Am I the as*hole) for refusing to do my sisters hair for her wedding after she survived cancer?&quot;  My sister is getting married in a couple of months. She finished cancer treatments recently and her hair has been badly affected by this. She&#39;s very self-conscious of it so she wanted me to be her hair stylist on her wedding day, instead of going to a salon. She approached me about it a month ago and I said no. There have been some very mixed opinions in our family about this so I decided to post about it and see what the consensus would be.   Some bg/reason why I said no: She and I have had our many issues in the past. She lost one of her best friends around the same time I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder. She had expected our whole family to go to the funeral but our older brothers stayed home with me while our parents took her to the funeral. Wow, that must have been really hard for her. She was pissed at our brothers and at me. She said her friend had been the best person and we should have all been there for her. I, personally, did not like her friend. She was mean to me as a kid. She was mean to me up to the day she died even. So I wasn&#39;t grieving. I was also not good around people then. My sister told me she wished it had been me who died instead of her best friend, because at least her best friend would have cared. Those are seriously hurtful words. But it sounds like they were coming from a young, grief-stricken girl who was abandoned by all of her siblings in her time of need. About a year after that her boyfriend at the time had cheated on her. I had heard the rumors but our relationship was nothing at that point. She realized I must have heard the rumors and got mad at me for not telling her. I told her I hadn&#39;t cared about what was going on in her life, which is true. I reminded her of what she had said to me previously. Okay, whoa. That&#39;s definitely some as*hole behavior from the OP... We kinda patched things up after not living together for a couple of years. We weren&#39;t close, but that&#39;s to be expected I would imagine. When our oldest brother got married our SIL asked us both to be bridesmaids and asked if I could do her hair (I&#39;m a hairstylist). She got really jealous of the fact our SIL spent more time with me, and that I was more involved than she was.   She ended up mocking me for being so quiet and saying I must be a terrible stylist because everyone knows you go to chat to the stylist as much as to get your hair done, and I can hardly hold a conversation. Our brother was so furious with her that he almost kicked her out of the wedding party. It was then that I sort of detached from her entirely. Sounds like you two have a lot of issues. So while I understand my sister is vulnerable after having cancer and going through treatment, and I realize that she&#39;s self-conscious and really needing to find someone she feels comfortable with, I do not want to do her hair. I don&#39;t want to spend that time with her. I know what she thinks of me.   She might find me the best option because we&#39;re related. But she has treated me badly for things I cannot control and has hurt me in some really big ways. My parents are pushing for me to do it and were horrified I said no, while our brothers are on my side. AITA (Am I the as*hole)? As a recent bride, a sister, and someone who also suffers from severe anxiety, I find OP&#39;s behavior deplorable.From her story, it seems like her sister has made two very cruel comments to her over the course of years. But OP has: 1) abandoned her at her friend&#39;s funeral and then made their brother&#39;s stay home, 2) didn&#39;t tell her about her cheating boyfriend and told her it&#39;s because she does not care about her, 3) won&#39;t do her hair on her wedding day after she survived cancer. Okay, now I&#39;m caught up.Look, me and my sister have said even worse things to each other, and I still did her makeup on her wedding day, no questions asked.I always thought that the small things should be put aside for huge life events like weddings and funerals, but obviously, OP does not subscribe to that philosophy. And neither do many of the Redditors who strongly favored a NTA (not the as*hole) ruling.  Sounds like she would be more comfortable purely because she knows she can scream at you if she doesn&#39;t like it, blame you later if the pictures aren&#39;t to her liking, and complain about the whole thing forever. Admittedly, the people bitching about your refusal now will also probably bring it up forever, but you might as well spare yourself the work if you&#39;re screwed either way. - chernaboggles   I&rsquo;m also a stylist! and i came here to say: overlook her sickness &amp; focus on how&rsquo;s she&rsquo;s treated you in the past. would you accept this treatment from a client? i would say no. family doesn&rsquo;t get a get out of jail free card to run us over &amp; then try to be our bffs when they need their hair done. do what is best for your health. - SKIDADDLEGETOUTTA  And DutyValuable had this very mature response: So you&rsquo;re taking someone who regularly mistreats you and is mean and makes you feel uncomfortable, and put her in a situation where she&rsquo;s stressed and anxious and her happiness depends on you doing your job according to her satisfaction? There&rsquo;s no way this will end well. If she wants to find a hairstylist she&rsquo;s comfortable with, she has plenty of times to interview and practice with one. Personally I would say &ldquo;you wanted me to be dead instead of your friend, so if you had your way I wouldn&rsquo;t be able to do your hair anyways.&rdquo; But cat-lover76 brought up some practical points: Your sister is a total AH (as*hole). Stick to your guns. Say that when it comes to weddings, the cake, photography, videos, makeup, and hairstyling should never be done by family members, because the bridal couple will want 1) the people they love to be able to enjoy their special day without stress, and 2) if anything goes wrong, they won&#39;t feel uncomfortable seeking financial compensation and having ongoing bad family relations for not getting satisfactory results. And then, after much scrolling, I found a voice of reason: I think you are (purposefully?) leaving out some very important details. How old was your sister when her friend passed? What she said to you was horrible, but if she was a teenager loosing her best friend, and NONE of her siblings bothered to show up and support her at the funeral because you have anxiety, I honestly understand why she acted out.  After that, you knew her boyfriend was cheating on her, and not only did you (again) not bother telling her and supporting her, but you also told her you did not care at all about what was going on in her life. How cruel, kicking a person while their down! You then patched things up, but you still don&#39;t like her and actively excluded her during preparation for your brothers wedding. She reacted poorly (no excuse, your sister was TA here) but yet again, your siblings all sided with you against her.  You then just quickly mention that she is getting married soon after battling cancer. Have you supported her at all during her battle with cancer or the wedding preparation? Have your other siblings? For some reason your sister keeps reaching out and has asked you to do a small thing to help her prepare for the wedding. You are not required to do anything for her obviously, so you can of course refuse to do her hair if you don&#39;t want to.  However, I think you and your brothers sound like horrible siblings that do nothing to support your sister despite her traumas. Everyone is the asshole here IMO (in my opinion). - NoCaptain2138 And they weren&#39;t alone: I agree with this completely. This whole story seems very one sided. Seems like y&rsquo;all are both very toxic and competitive. Why did you need both brothers to stay home with you for the funeral? Why would you hide the truth behind her boyfriend cheating? I feel like you both are constantly hurting each other and playing the victim. - Lierra84   Exactly. OP has provided an account of some of the worst things her sister has ever said to her. If her sister were writing a similar account, would it sound just as bad? My bet is that it probably would.  This sounds a lot like two siblings that have treated each other harshly and childishly carrying the same dysfunctional relationship into adulthood. Maybe they can&rsquo;t ultimately get along, but it would be best if they quit harboring resentment from childhood to their adult lives and to the grave. ESH (everyone sucks here). - K-no-B   I&#39;m sorry but as someone who has also struggled with anxiety since childhood, i think my sister&#39;s best friend dying, regardless of how mean they were, trumps a diagnoses of anxiety. The fact that not a single one of her family went to support her probably caused a huge rift between her and the rest of the family. I&#39;m leaning more towards YTA (you&#39;re the as*hole) because I have a feeling you&#39;re the baby of the family. - pud-sucks So there you have it! While they both are pretty big as*holes to each other, OP definitely does not *have* to do her sister&#39;s hair.But in that vein, her sister also doesn&#39;t *have* to invite OP to the wedding... and from the way OP&#39;s been dismissing all of her serious trauma, I kind of hope she does get uninvited. Or, at the very least, cheated on. Good luck out there, everyone!

Weddings and funerals: a place for family to gather... which usually means family drama.  When a hairstylist was asked to do her sister&#39;s wedding hair, she refused due to the rocky nature of their relationship. But here&#39;s the...