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Woman snaps at mother-in-law who said husband 'wasted his life.' Asks if it was too far. UPDATED.

Woman snaps at mother-in-law who said husband 'wasted his life.' Asks if it was too far. UPDATED.


Navigating relationships with in-laws can be super tricky. On one hand, you want to keep the peace for the sake of your relationship. But on the other hand, when you know the intimate pain a partner's experienced from family, it's hard to hold back.

In a popular AITA post, a woman asked if she was wrong for snapping at her mother-in-law after hearing some disrespectful comments about her husband.

She wrote:

AITA for snapping at my In-Laws for saying my husband 'ruined' his life?​​​​​​

My (36f) husband (36m) comes from a family of athletes; they put him in boxing as a kid. He was talented and he suffered a lot of pressure from his family. They wanted him to become professional but my husband never wanted that.

In high school, things got worse for him as the school's coaches were brutal and the attention he received from promoters and outside coaches led his family to put more pressure on him.

The relationship with his family went south when he informed them he was going to university and giving up boxing for good (not true the boxing part). I met him a month before we started high school and we've been together ever since.

When he was 30, his family contacted him to try to fix their relationship; their relationship is decent, the same with me. Now, we took our children on Sunday to visit them.

SIL and her husband were talking about one of my nephews learning to play the piano and that he is good for his age.

Then MIL said and quote “be careful, you don’t want to “encourage” him only for him to quit and ruin his life as (my husband’s name)”.

It seemed like MIL forgot I was there and they went silent (my husband was out buying some things with his father and his other 2 BIL).

I was calm and asked her how he ruined his life, his sisters got involved and said that's not what MIL meant and I wouldn’t understand.

I replied:

“No, I don’t understand; I don't understand why you wanted to live through him, why you never listened to him, why you never accepted what he wanted, why you didn’t let him be, why you think he ruined his life, I don’t get it.'

'If you think it’s because I don’t know how talented he was, you’re wrong because I was there, even when you abandoned him, it wasn't for nothing that he got two scholarships and people were after him.'

'I'd understand if he didn't do anything with his life, but that’s not the case. He has a degree, an amazing career, built 2 different businesses, is a great father and husband. He is more successful than all of you combined.'

'Please, tell me how he ruined his life or what part I don’t understand”. I got silence.

I took our children and left; I texted my husband that I was going home. He arrived shortly after and told him what happened and he’s not mad.

To be honest, this is the first time I heard this type of comment.

I pretty much blew the relationship he has with his family and apparently also caused issues with his sisters' husbands because they had a different version of why my husband was estranged.

The internet was quick to add their thoughts.

NTA. Good on you! I played volleyball competitively through high school and was offered several scholarships to play at great schools. I was burnt out and I wanted to focus on my degree.

Lalalabambi wrote:

My parents were not ok with me turning down the volleyball scholarships and then my Mom told me I would not get my college fund (which I know is a privilege on its own) unless I attended state school near her.

Guess who dropped out of that school to move away from her parents after a year? Guess who went no contact with them for a year? And guess who is proudly finishing up her biology degree at 34?

You did a wonderful job of advocating for and defending your husband. Kudos to you!

Disavowed_Snail wrote:

What kind of people put their child in boxing as a sport? These people are out of their minds. The risk of injury is ridiculous. I swear to god, sports parents are arguably worse than those insane pageant moms.

I didn’t even finish reading this. Didn’t have to. NTA.

MundanePlanet wrote:

'I pretty much blew the relationship he has with his family and apparently also caused issues with his sisters' husbands because they had a different version of why my husband was estranged.'

The f*ck you did OP. They ruined the relationship by being two-faced a**holes who enjoyed a completely stilted and self-indulgent shape of the story.

They worked your husband until his hands probably bled for a sport he long ago decided he didn't want to be his future. Because he chose a different path they sent him into exile.

If pointing out that their feelings are bullsh*t, and their views entirely false ruins the relationship then it was a relationship founded on fake bullsh*t to begin with.

You spared him having to deal with a**holes who probably would have slandered your husband to your kids given time and opportunity. NTA.

_sobertaco_ wrote:

NTA. Good job having your husband’s back. I’m sure the little guy that lives inside of him was so happy someone finally had his back. ❤️

Bruja1974 wrote:

NTA!!! And you are the real MVP!!! Your husband lucked up and got the one in a million!💜🔥

It's pretty clear that OP and her husband scored tens of points, and the family is in the penalty box.

A few hours after writing the original post, OP jumped back on to add a few updates.

I never expected this much attention and sorry for not answering every comment, I will clear some points and give you a small update.

First of all, thank you for the kind words and the awards, I reacted on instinct and kind of regretted, but my husband reassured me that it was fine, he would have done the same thing for me (which I know). He’s all smiles every time I see him.

I’m sorry for those who went through the same thing, I'm glad you left that horrible situation and that you are doing what you want. Good job!

I should have been clearer, MIL says he ruined his life because he wasted the chance to be recognized and famous, something they always longed for and couldn't achieve on their own.

My husband stopped competing once he finished university and not after high school, he had to do it so he could maintain his scholarship.

The children weren't present when I exploded, they were outside playing.

His sisters lied to their husbands about the reason why my husband was estranged. They put the blame entirely on him and downplayed what they did.

Someone linked a story about a couple who is dealing with the after trauma and it's heartbreaking. Injuries and trauma are two of the many reasons my husband never wanted to make boxing his career.

Fortunately, he received minimal damage and sees a specialist once a year to make sure everything is fine.

My husband says that over the years he felt something was off, so he's not surprised they haven't changed their opinion of him and that they were just faking it to gain access to our kids.

Then, on November 24th, she added a few more updates.

Early today when we dropped the kids off at school, his sister’s husbands were there and wanted to hear my husband's version. We went to have breakfast and he told them everything.

From their reaction, it was clear that their wives were still downplaying the whole thing. According to one of them, his wife is starting to display the same traits as MIL, so yeah.

We agreed to talk on Saturday to plan how are going to move forward with our children. They go to the same school and are very close, we don’t want to disrupt their relationship.

As for his parents, we are going to talk to them on Saturday to let them know how their relationship with our children and us is going to be from now on.

Relevant Comment:

'The worst part is that my husband's parents didn't want him to go to university, they wanted him to go pro right after high school.

In fact, he was able to go to a pretty nice high school and get good education because his then-coach and him tricked his parents.'

Then, on December first OP added another update.

Some ask me for an update, so here it is.

During the week with talk to our kids and asked them (without being obvious) how they have been treated by their grandparents; we got positive responses (they have been treated well, to be clear).

We talked to everyone on Sunday (without the kids) and my husband was the one who did the talking; first it was his parents.

They tried to apologize but my husband cut them short. He said that we weren’t there for apologies or explanations, but to talk about their new relationship with us. He told them that we are no longer going to take the kids to their house anymore.

They will have 2 visits per month and will be supervised by us; they will be the ones who plan the activities and give us time so that we can approve them. The only time they will see the kids besides their 2 times is for birthdays and holidays.

To keep their opinions of him or me to themselves, as the moment they run their mouths with our kids present, it will be the last time they will see them. And for us, we'll be civil but that’s it.

They agreed and before we left they told us they are separating, my husband replied that he doesn’t care. The visits are the same regardless of their marital situation, we could split the visits with one each or they could have 2 together.

But that's up to them. The visitations will begin after their situation is resolved. Later that day, we visited his sisters and their husbands, all gathered in one house. Pretty much the same drill, but he listened to his sister.

His sisters apologized and told us that they are going to therapy again, they asked my husband if he was willing to go with them at some point but he refused.

He told them that their relationship is way too broken to mend, that he harbors no ill feelings towards them, and the only thing he will give them is common decency.

That it is good that they are going to therapy again and hopes they take it seriously now because their kids and husbands deserve better.

With that being said, he proposed that things continue more or less the same (we take our kids to their house or they bring theirs to ours) but with the exceptions of visits from his parents (we explained them the deal with my In-Laws).

My sisters and parents are still willing to maintain the same relationship with the kids but not so much with them. Any comment from them like the one his mother did and everything will stop. If they have another plan, we could work it out.

They all agreed with our plan.

For now, everyone is looking to keep things civil for the kids, which I think is a good thing. Anyway, my husband and I draw lines and we will make sure they don’t cross them.

Someone asks why the parents are separating:

'From what we know, it's because he no longer share the same views that his still-wife has about my husband. But it could also be because he is trying to get a better deal from us regarding the kids. Hard to tell right now.'

More about the sisters:

'They are 2, 3, and 4 years older than him. The reason why he doesn't want to try therapy with them is because of how they treated him and this situation.

When they find out my husband was talented, they resented him (you can change 'resent' with your strongest favorite word).

A LOT because he was good and they weren't shy about it. After a while, they accepted that they would never make it so they started pretending to be nice to him while pressure him the same the way their parents did to him.

For him right now, they are not really trying to 'fix' their relationship with him but with their husbands.

They knew back then that what they were doing was wrong. They had 12 years to be better; these past 6 years, I dare to say they had a friendly relationship.

He released his bad feelings towards them a long time ago and he didn't develop any this time, he tried with them but they haven't changed; they were pretending like in the past.'

People were quick to respond to the major updates.

Lower-Present5511 wrote:

Good for the husband! I wonder when the in-laws talked about separation. It’s weird that they waited until the end of the conversation and were like “oh by the way we’re separating”.

ConfusingCake wrote:

Take a look at this guy, ruining his life by being happy and successful with no noticeable signs of brain damage. How tragic.

Maybe the family didn't know any better 'back then' but they should be horrified today that they pushed their kid into something so risky when he clearly did not want it.

rubyspicer wrote:

It's good he stopped early, CTE is no joke and that COULD ruin his life.

jfcmfer wrote:

I feel like every one of these posts talks about how they did therapy, then got into it again once sh*t hit the fan and then decided to get into it again once things went south.

All in the course of a few weeks. Where TF are they finding these therapists? I can't get my daughter into one for going on a year with the wait lists. What am I missing?

w1987g wrote:

I, for one, am extremely happy for this couple. She stood up for her husband 100%, communicated with him clearly and was expecting feedback. He backed up his wife's actions, protected his family, and communicated with his in-laws.

They know what their priorities are, and committed to their plan of action.

As of now, it looks like OP and her husband have set all the right boundaries to live a far more peaceful family life.

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