The holidays bring up a lot of feelings, in-laws bring up a lot of feelings, so the two combined can be emotionally lethal.
When a partner doesn't vibe with immediate family, it makes for some awkward celebrations and long-standing tensions. Sometimes, the best way to settle a tiff is to go get an outside perspective.
That's exactly what a woman on a popular AITA post did, when she asked if she was wrong for threatening to skip Christmas because of her husband's invitation demands.
AITA for telling my parents I won't attend their Christmas celebration until they send my husband a separate invitation?
I'll preface this by saying that my husband (Luke) M32 does not get along with my parents. You can't tell who's right or who's wrong, there's always this ongoing tension between them but can be civil enough to sit together at one table.
I recently got an invitation for Christmas from my parents. The invitation included me and Luke but Luke thought this was somewhat disrespectful, he believes he should get his own invitation and not have his name mentioned as an 'extension.'
We talked and he said he wouldn't go unless they send him a proper invitation. I called mom and asked if she could do it. She thought it was ridiculous and said that she and dad did the same with my sister and her husband.
I told her it was fine but Luke can be sensitive like that and so a simple invitation in a form of a text directly to him will fix it. She got defensive and said that Luke is being ridiculous.
Dad claimed Luke is trying to pull some power move to humiliate them but I thought this was a small issue. They thought it was ridiculous so I told them I won't attend if they don't send him a separate invite because he won't attend if he doesn't get it.
This blew up and my sister started arguing saying Luke needs to get over himself and shamed me for trying to 'force' our parents to send him an invitation by saying I won't come if they don't.
We haven't talked after that and we're waiting as of now.
People were quick to share their thoughts.
Luke is TA and YTA for condoning it.
When you're married, you don't get separate invitations. Your mom called and said 'I hope you guys can come for Christmas' or 'We're looking forward to seeing you at Christmas', that is the Royal You, not just you OP.
Question: If a friend issued the same invitation as your mom did, would Luke be kicking up a fuss, or would he just go?
This isn't about the invitation. Luke just doesn't want to go. Your choice is to stay with him, or go without him, but your parents don't have to issue Lukie Wubbie his own special private invitation.
And think hard - is this really the only time he kicks up a fuss, or do you tiptoe around a LOT of things. Be honest.
YTA holy crap that's not how invitations work. Couples always get invited together. He wouldn't be invited if he wasn't your husband. Why didn't you shut that sh*t down immediately? Your husband is a bigger a**hole but you enable him.
'You can't tell who's right or who's wrong.'
I kinda feel like I can.
YTA. Luke sounds like he's unhinged. Why would he pick on something so innocent and positive as a Christmas invitation to get all weird about? Why would he get one of his own?
Because he's too important to be subsumed in a relationship?And (a) it's totally normal to send one invitation to a couple, (b) he is only important to them because he's your partner -- you're the one they love and value.
It's a shame that Luke is using his power over you to validate his nasty controlling behavior and punish your parents for doing something perfectly normal and then pointing out it was perfectly normal.
Please be careful, OP. He sounds like he's creating drama, and your family is probably very worried about you.
'Did the same with my sister and her husband.'
If this is true, you and your husband are most certainly TA.
Perhaps your husband needs to stop being so overly dramatic. Becoming so hurt over his name included on an invitation sounds like he just loves stirring up unnecessary drama.
YTA, although it’s really more that you’re letting Luke make you be an a**hole to yourself, because he is being ridiculous. There is no etiquette book on earth that recommends sending married couples two separate invitations.
In fact, I guarantee if they had done it his way for some reason, he’d be spinning that as an unforgivable insult and still demanding you stay home, because that’s really the point here.
Put your foot down that this is his problem, and buy yourself The Gift of Fear/Why Does He Do That? for the holidays, because the red flags are strong with this one.
After receiving a lot of YTA responses, more targeted at Luke than OP, she updated with a slight clarification.
UPDATE: The invitation I received was in a text. Luke is saying that a simple text to him will finish the conflict but my parents still think it's ridiculous and that they won't invite him since they already have.
At the time of writing this, it seems unlikely the update has changed people's minds.