'AITA for telling my friend I don’t want her to bring her baby to my birthday party?' UPDATED
"AITA for telling my friend I don’t want her to bring her baby to my birthday party?"
I’m turning 25 in February and was planning a weekend girls trip to Chicago. I have a friend who’s about to give birth any day now and our birthdays are ten days apart.
I was hesitant to invite her in the first place since she’s about to give birth but another friend let slip about my party so she basically asked if she could come along too. I said sure and then she said she would have to bring baby girl along.
Now on this trip, I was hoping to cross a bucket list item off my list - eating gummies and going to an aquarium while in Chicago. Finishing the night off with BBQ and drinking. An environment I wasn’t comfortable having a baby around.
My friend doesn’t see the problem with bringing her two-month-old along at all. Everyone agrees with me. The baby shouldn’t come with. My friend says that since I don’t have kids, I shouldn’t have a say in how she raises her baby. AITA?
Addition: this will be her third child, my apologies, I should have mentioned above.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
[deleted]
Unless there are details missing about how you brought this up with her NTA. You’re not telling her how to raise he baby you’re telling her that you don’t want a 2 month old at your party. Perfectly acceptable. She can come without the baby or she can stay home. It’s that simple.
firelordylime OP responded:
To sum it up, I told her I would love for her to come but it wouldn’t be a good idea or environment for a 2m old. I offered to do something with her for her birthday and she was more than welcome to come along to mine just without the baby.
There’s several others who are coming who hate kids (as do i). I’m considering just cancelling the entire trip at this point.
Dipping_My_Toes wrote:
NTA. It doesn't sound as if you are trying to have a 'say in how she raises her child,' you are trying to have a birthday party consisting of activities totally unsuitable to a two-month-old baby.
Your friend needs to grow up to the reality that when she has a child, she has to be an adult and a parent which means a change in her social activities. She invited herself along on this outing; it's not a kiddy party so she probably better rethink that.
Country-girl-2212 wrote:
You shouldn’t have a say in how she raises her baby…BUT you definitely have a say in what you planned for your bday weekend! And for the record, I agree with you 100% a two-month-old has no business being involved in what you have planned!
NTA even a little bit. Having her baby there would completely change your entire weekend, she’s being selfish. Not to mention making poor choices as a new Mom.
Prolific_Profligate wrote:
NTA, does she think her baby is a purse?
RayneBeauRhode wrote:
NTA. There is a line to be drawn when trying to tell someone what to do with their baby, but this is not the situation. A two-month-old, still within newborn stage has zero business going here and there, in a large city, on a birthday weekend.
Also, in cold a*s February, in public spaces, with diseases still swimming in the air. WHILE y’all plan on being drunk and high. Your birthday weekend deserves to be free of children. TL;DR: She’s bugging bro.
GrumpyBearBank wrote:
NTA. That trip is not appropriate for a two-month-year-old. You are going to get intoxicated and hit the town. You don’t take a baby for that.
Any time someone goes, you don’t have kids you don’t have a voice in how I raise mine, that’s guaranteed they are doing bad parenting behavior and are looking for an excuse to shut down complaints.
Update from OP as a reply to a comment:
Shaabloips asked:
How did this all work out? Has the birthday weekend happened? I definitely would not cancel just because of her. Just draw a firm line in the sand and she either comes alone or doesn't. But don't let it ruin your trip!
firelordylime OP responded:
unfortunately, my mental health declined severely in and i was unable to work for an entire month so i wasn’t able to go to chicago. BUT my brother is getting married later this year and i’ll be in colorado so my mom and i are going to go there and go to the aquarium 😊