Girl screams 'mommy' during night but Dad answers; Mom the 'go-to parent' is furious.
When your child is in is distress, you want the matter solved as quickly as possible. It might just be the worst time for an ego trip.
Which is why a confused father came to Reddit after a fight with his wife, asking if he had actually messed up as badly as she thought:
AITA (Am I the A-hole) as a father for coming to my child when she is calling for mother in the middle of the night?
mkomkomko writes:
My wife and I were asleep in our bedroom. Our daughter (3) screamed 'mommy' in the middle of the night in her room.
I ran over as fast as I could to see what was wrong and to prevent our other daughter (1) from waking up from the noise.
We had a big fight, and her standpoint is that only she is allowed to go to our daughter when she calls for mommy. Especially because she is at home with the kids right now and I have to work.
My standpoint is that I have a right to know what is wrong with my daughter and try to help her, even if her first reaction is to call mommy? AITA?
I should clarify that my wife woke up as well and would have gone over right away. But of course I was worried as well.
Here's what Reddit had to say...
Curious-One4595 comments:
NTA. You parent as a team. Your status as parents is equal. A fast response to your child’s distress is the most important thing. Your wife is the asshole. It sounds like she is self-centered and putting her needs above the child’s. She turned this into a big fight? That’s irrational and troubling. She needs anger management and parenting classes.
Ickyhouse agrees:
NTA. The kid wants a parent and mommy is usually what comes out of their mouth first. If it’s something she truly wants/needs mommy for, then you can get your wife. For your wife to be this upset, there has to be a deeper issue. This is so out of the ordinary.
Maleficent_Fox_5062 speaks as a mom:
OMG I would have been THRILLED if my husband would have taken a turn or two back in the days of midnight wake-ups. She wants less sleep? So strange and controlling. You’re NTA.
LynPhoenyx asks:
Did wife come check or was she pouting and busy planning the fight to actually go check on your child? What a selfish and horrible mom.
OP responds:
She didn't, because she knows that I would come got her if it was serious. While we do have some problems she is definitely not a horrible mom, she cares a lot about our kids and is a good mother who would do anything for her kids.
Kookerpea asks:
Did your daughter care that you responded instead of your wife?
OP:
Not at all.
kgfPatsfan2 says:
NTA as written. You use a lot of explaining though, which leads me to wonder if you are being one-sided, or leaving anything out. Straighten this out asap. Children learn familial politics quite young, and it is not fair that they need to.
I vividly remember calling for mom in the middle of the night,knowing it would be dad who came, but also knowing calling for him directly would cause problems. That memory has to be 55 years old by now, and I resent it on behalf of my childhood self.
OP answers:
The only thing I can think of that I left out is that sadly we fight regularly, sometimes in front of the kids :-(. We can't seem to avoid it. I do get the feeling that my wife wants to be the go-to parent.
What do you think?
Is this indicative of a larger issue between the couple, or is the wife the only a-hole here?