Man asks if he was wrong to 'choose' his niece over his kids.
Being a father is difficult, especially if you're trying to raise a blended or divorced family. It can be hard when you feel closer to your niece or nephew than you do to your own child. When this father gets accused by his kids of 'favoring' his niece over his biological children, he takes to the popular Reddit Forum to ask:
'AITA for choosing my niece over my kids?'
My kids, Mike(M18) and Mara(F15) are very close together but hate their cousin, Rosa(F14). every time they are together they fight. My ex wife has primary custody of Mara so I only have her one week in a month and Mike usually joins us on that week. -overmagazine6783
Hmm....and why do OP's kids hate their cousin so much?
Rosa's parents are emotionally abusive so she spends most of her time with me, except for the week that Mara and Mike come over. She spends that week with her other uncle, Nick.I was supposed to go on a trip for work, it was on the week that Mara and Mike were at my place. I wanted to take them with me and we could spend time together on my free time.
Oh no...poor Rosa. Maybe OP isn't the AH after all...
The day before we leave Rosa called me, crying about something her parents had done and told me she went over to Nick's house and he wasn't home. I called Nick and he said his wife is sick and they are currently at the hospital and can't take Rosa. I took Rosa and brought her to my home and told her I'm taking her to a trip next day.
Well, what else was OP supposed to do?
From the moment we got there the kids started to fight. after a few hours they told me they won't go to a trip together and I have to either take my kids or Rosa. I tried to talk to them and convince them to just be nice to each other for a few days but it didn't work.
Oh no...
At the end they told me I have to choose between them and my niece. and I couldn't take Rosa back to an abusive home so I took my kids back to their mom's home and went to the trip with Rosa. Both my kids are mad at me now. They said I'm favoring and choosing Rosa over them. I think I made the right choice but everyone seems to disagree with me so AITA?
Is OP the AH? Reddit was rather split on this. Let's take a look.
YTA You have presented this whole situation in as though taking Rosa was your only real choice when in fact, the outcome was determined by a situation you created. So Rosa stays with you 75% of the time and your kids stay with you the 25% when she's not there.
This user goes in on OP....
Why do you spend so little time with your own kids? How long has this been going on? 'Everyone' is right, you favor Rosa consistently and they see it. That's why the kids fight, because your son and daughter see that you care more about Rosa than you do about them. -admirablejudgment
This ruthless Reddit user goes on...
It sounds to me like you are trying to have a 'do over' with Rosa for having been a poor father to your own children. 'Rosa needs emotional support', 'Rosa has nowhere else', etc.
There's more.
This whole post is about your niece, with no concern about what your kids need.You and your children need to be in family counseling where someone can stop you from dismissing your kids, legitimate concerns and get you focused on being their father first. - amirablejudgment
Then, this interesting point.
NTA. I think most people who have experiences like Rosa sympathize, including myself. OP seems to just be trying to make the most out of a bad situation. - godlyhermit
Then, this counterpoint.
NTA! How can you say he’s dismissing his kids ? He literally doesn’t have custody of them lmao where did you get any of these assumptions? Court ordered custody so with the daughter he doesn’t have a choice. and the son is 18 so it’s the sons decision to come see his dad or not. -hideitinmysox
This Reddit user goes on....
Son only comes when his sister is there, doesn’t seem like he’s there for the dad. the man had 2 options leave a 14 year old with abusive parents or let his kids stay with the person who won custody. -hideitinmysox