Man asks if he was wrong for refusing to tattoo stepson's name next to daughter's name.
Being a step parent to a spouse's child can be a difficult undertaking, especially if you already have kids of your own. And in general, step parents aren't given the credit they deserve for raising other people's kids.
But what if the step parent's spouse decides that they are underperforming as a guardian to their stepkids? When this stepdad tells his wife that he doesn't want to get his stepson's name tattooed along with the rest of his kid's names, he takes to the popular Reddit Forum to ask:
'AITA for not tattooing my stepson's name on my arm with my kids' names?'
OP is the tattooed stepdad.
I'm 36M, my wife is 35F. I have two kids from my first marriage, 9M and 7F. I have been married to my wife for 4 years, we have a 1F daughter. She has a 8M son from her first marriage. The kids all live with us. My kids' mother has visitations one weekend a month, her son's dad isn't involved at all.
So his stepson has lived with him for about four years. So OP is basically his dad, right?
I have the names of my oldest two kids tattooed on my arm. I just recently added the name of my youngest daughter. My wife and I were talking about the tattoo, and she asked me if I'd tattoo my stepson's name along with our daughter's name. I told her I have no intention of tattooing his name. She was shocked and asked me why. I respectfully said I only have the names of my children tattooed.
I mean, OP's wife doesn't technically have the right to force him to tattoo her son's name.
She said I am excluding her son and he is part of this family too. I refused to tattoo his name and proceeded to only tattoo my daughter's name. Wife called me selfish. I'm sorry but he's not technically my son. AITA?
Man oh man. Is this guy the AH? I'm a little torn. So was Reddit. Let's take a look.
NTA. If OP hasn’t adopted the kid he has no rights if they divorce. Tattooing a step kid’s name is not the same as tattooing a bio kid’s name. - runnrgirl
NTA. Is the wife paying for the session? or making the appointment? or doing the after care? or what about paying for the removal when OP still feels that he never wanted that piece on his body? Idk if its just a bunch of non tattooed baby machines on this thread but the idea that a spouse can force the other into getting a tattoo they're not comfortable having is so f***** up tbh -bakercob232
NTA. So since he got tattoos for kids he had YEARS before he met her or even planned on ending up with someone that happened to have a kid he has no say what goes on his body ever again? It's already overbearing to make a partner change a tradition in any way but when its a tattoo its even worse.
If she was posting saying he was making her feel bad for not getting his name tattooed on her ass cheek everyone would be telling her to divorce immediately. -ml78fhfyup
Those users were on OP's side, but these other users tore him to SHREDS.
YTA. You've been a father figure to him for half his life, poor boy will probably be shattered when he realises you don't actually see him as yours. - fickle_style7745
As a step parent myself, this speaks volumes for his relationship with the kid and how he views him subconsciously. Not to sound like one of 'those' redditors, I don't say this lightly, but if I was OP's wife I'd be doing some hard thinking about how I was gonna fix this, and if I couldn't it'd be divorce.
I've been the one to question my place in my family and it HURTS and has lasting repercussions on a person's mental health. -sharkflin
This is called parental differential treatment and there are studies about how harmful it is. OP, please look these up and understand YTA. When you married your wife, you became that boy's dad. What you are doing now is going to actively harm him. -ohsolearned
Probably because OP has minimal relationship with the kid. This whole post reeks of one of those guys who refuse to 'raise another man's child' because doing so is seen as submissive in the manosphere or whatever. Absolutely abhorrent. -istoh