10 clever and creative new ways to say "Where's your global warming now?" during the Polar Vortex.

10 clever and creative new ways to say "Where's your global warming now?" during the Polar Vortex.
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10 clever and creative new ways to say "Where's your global warming now?" during the Polar Vortex.

Seeee?!!!!!! (pic via Getty)

If you're a climate change denier, this Polar Vortex thing is pretty much Christmas for you. Even though there's ample evidence that drastic cold snaps like this one are just as much a product of global warming as record summer heat, who gives a shit? It's cold out right now so this is your window to bellow "Where's your global warming now?" in people's scarved faces.

Problem is, we've all heard that one. If you don't come up with a fresh, new way to deny climate change, it's going to fall on deaf ears. Here are ten, situation-specific ways to say "Where's your global warming now" that show people you've really put some effort into it this year.

 

1. If you can’t find your keys...

"I looked everywhere and they’re nowhere to be found, which means they must be hidden wherever they keep the global warming! Who’s with me?"

2. If you’re a hipster...

“I used to believe in global warming. Before it got cool! Get it?”

3. If you’re a cop working a missing person’s case...

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“Glad you’re just looking for a person who disappeared three days ago and not global warming because I have no idea where that is! Anyway, what’s your wife look like?"

4. If you’re trapped under something heavy.

“I was just looking under here for global warming, but couldn’t find it. Just kidding. Get this thing off me I’m gonna die.”

5. If you’re at a magic show and the magician just made a bunny disappear...

“He must have sent the bunny to wherever global warming is, which is nowhere, right? High five!

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6. If you’re talking to a friend who just lost 20 pounds...

"Girl are you global warming? Because it’s like you don’t even exist. Punch it in!”

7. When you’re at a screening of the movie Gravity...

“So it’s a movie called Gravity that takes place where there’s no gravity to be found? Can’t wait for Alfonso Cuaron’s next movie, Global Warming, presently on location right here on Earth! LOL!”

8. If you’re educated in the effects of climate change...

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"Where’s your global warming now, besides all around us according to studies that show that increased atmospheric temperatures result in a melting of arctic ice causing climates to experience more extreme and erratic temperatures on both the hot and cold end of the spectrum? This guy knows what I’m talkin’ bout!"

9. When you’re trying to explain to someone that you thought you loved them, but it must have just been a brief, physical infatuation...

“I guess my love for you was like some kind of global warming. It just wasn’t there. Stop crying, it was a joke.”

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10. If you’re a ghosthunter and there is no paranormal activity in the house being investigated...

“Your house must be haunted by global warming, because we’re not finding anything in there. Up top!”

(by Bob Powers)

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