There are a lot more people running for president than just Angry Hairpiece, Uncle Hippie, Possible Canadian, and Hillary Clinton. Those are just who's representing the Republicans and Democrats. More than 1,480 candidates have filed with the Federal Election Commision to run for president. The vast majority are joke candidates; the rest don’t realize they have about as much chance of getting elected as Martin O’Malley standing on top of Rick Santorum’s shoulders in a presidential-looking trench coat.
1. Rod Silva.
The candidate of the “Nutrition Party,” Silva owns an obscure chain of healthy fast food restaurants called the Muscle Maker Grill. His platform is based almost entirely on reversing Americans’ poor eating habits.
2. James Hedges.
He represents the Prohibition Party, as in the same “Prohibition” that banned the sale and consumption of alcohol in the U.S. from 1919 to 1932. It still exists, and Hedges wants to honor his party’s goal of outlawing booze again.
3. Elijah Manley.
After failing to win the nomination of the Socialist Party, Manley is running as an independent. He’s very social justice-minded, which isn’t weird at all. What’s a little off is that he’s running to make people believe that age shouldn’t be a barrier to success. You see, Manley is only 17, and he cannot constitutionally be President of the United States for another 18 years.
4. Dan Bilzerian
Another independent, Bilzerian is also known as “Blitz” and “Instagram’s Playboy King.” He’s a former stuntman, a professional poker player, and was once sued by a porn star for $85,000 when he threw her off of his roof and into a pool.
5. Monica Moorehead.
Moorehead is the candidate of the Workers World Party, which is a fancy way of saying “Communist.” She got her political start in the early '70s as a volunteer for the Black Panthers. But she’s probably best known as a “spoiler.” According to Michael Moore, it’s her fault that Al Gore lost Florida in 2000, and its electoral votes, and ultimately the election to George W. Bush. Moore alleges that she siphoned votes away from Gore, and Bush eked out the win. Moorehead was only on the ballot in two states in 2000: Rhode Island and Florida.
6. Vermin Supreme.
A performance artist who usually appears in public wearing a rubber boot for a hat and offering free candy to voters (yay, free candy!), Vermin Supreme came in third in the 2012 New Hampshire Democratic primary. Technically, this means he has more political experience than Donald Trump.
7. Ron White.
This is the same Ron White from the “Blue Collar Comedy Tour.” The one who wears the suit onstage and drinks the whole time. Not just a drinker, he likes marijuana, too. His semi-serious candidacy is built on the single issue of “legalizing it.”
8. Thomas Keister.
White’s fame may lead him to take votes away from the Marijuana Party, which is actually a thing, and its candidate, Thomas Keister. (You can probably figure out what their primary issue is.) So far, Keister, and the Marijuana Party are on the ballot in 10 states.