5 reasons New Jersey Governor Chris Christie won't be President.

5 reasons New Jersey Governor Chris Christie won't be President.
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The new face of gridlock. (via Getty)

Chris Christie has, politically speaking, stepped in shit. This story about the Governor's people closing down the busiest bridge in the country as payback because a mayor of Fort Lee, New Jersey didn't endorse him has the potential to end his political career. Christie is attempting to claim that he wasn't involved in this scandal because he had no idea what anyone in his own administration was up to. He's basically saying, "I'm not a vengeful, petty bully, I'm a clueless idiot." Good luck with that, Governor.

He may be able to hang on to his job as Governor of New Jersey, but right now it looks like he's got a better shot at becoming an underwear model than ever being the President of the United States. Here are just five good reasons.

1. No One Likes a Bully
Chris Christie has always had a reputation as a tough guy. But tough guys fight other tough guys, they don't stick it to children and the elderly because their feelings got hurt. What was plan B, egging the mayor's house? Sending a dozen pizzas to his office? 

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2 Traffic
Is there anything more universally hated than traffic? On the list of things that no one likes, traffic is near the top somewhere between the flu and Madonna movies. Whether or not Christie loses his job over this, his name will always be linked to traffic jams. Right now Jay Leno is digging through four hours worth of Chris Christie traffic jokes for tonight's monologue. Whenever you find yourself hoping that late night shows stick to making fat jokes about you, thing's aren't going well.

3. The Company You Keep
What is known so far is that Christie's Deputy Chief of Staff sent an email to a high school friend of the Governor who worked at the Port Authority, "Time for some traffic problems in Fort Lee." That guy then sent an email mocking children stuck in traffic trying to get to their first day of school. It's bad enough hanging around people like this in high school, but you'd like to think that by the time you've become Governor of New Jersey, you're not still pals with the asshole kids who gave wedgies and dumped people's books for fun.

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4. Lying
Yes, every politician lies to some degree. It's as much a part of the job as kissing babies and begging for money. But the trick is to not get caught. The attempted cover-up of this scandal, about the bridge being shutdown over a fake traffic study, was so inept that it deserves its own study. The Governor tried to convince reporters that the cones were set up to stop traffic on the world's busiest bridge to see what would happen. Well, the results of that study are in and it appears that setting up traffic cones out of spite makes people really angry.

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5. This

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Clearly not ready for the majors. (via Getty)

(by Jonathan Corbett)

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