Excerpts from Michael Wolff's tell-all on the Trump White House, Fire and Fury, have continued to leak into every corner of the internet on Friday. Meanwhile, the Trump White House continues to deny everything about the juiciest political gossip to hit the public since the Scaramucci era.
So it's incredibly important, especially now, to note that one of these sensational stories reportedly from Wolff's book is definitively, 100 percent false. (It is not from Wolff's book at all.)
The one about Trump being obsessed with 'the gorilla channel.'
On his first night in the White House, President Trump complained that the TV in his bedroom was broken, because it didn't have "the gorilla channel." Trump seemed to be under the impression that a TV channel existed that screened nothing but gorilla-based content, 24 hours a day.
To appease Trump, White House staff compiled a number of gorilla documentaries into a makeshift gorilla channel, broadcast into Trump's bedroom from a hastily-constructed transmission tower on the South Lawn. However, Trump was unhappy with the channel they had created, moaning that it was "boring" because "the gorillas aren't fighting."
Staff edited out all the parts of the documentaries where gorillas weren't hitting each other, and at last the president was satisfied. "On some days he'll watch the gorilla channel for 17 hours straight," an insider told me. "He kneels in front of the TV, with his face about four inches from the screen, and says encouraging things to the gorillas, like 'the way you hit that other gorilla was good.' I think he thinks the gorillas can hear him."
If you're reading this on Friday, January 5, 2018 — you'll notice that the satire account, @Pixelatedboat, now has the display name "the gorilla channel thing is a joke."
That's to atone for their cardinal sin of making everyone (read: a few poor fools who forgot that you can never take anything on the internet at face value) believe that Trump became obsessed with a TV station called "the gorilla channel."
VICE compiled a couple genuine responses to the tweet.
And conservative blog Free Beacon put together a list of several blue check marks (people on Twitter who are more important than us) who apparently believed the story, or at least believed it came from Wolff's book.
But can you really blame them for believing that "On his first night in the White House, President Trump complained that the TV in his bedroom was broken, because it didn't have 'the gorilla channel.'"
Is that sentence really any more unbelievable than the following, actual excerpt? Here's Ivanka Trump talking about her dad's hair, from Wolff's book:
The color, she would point out to comical effect, was from a product called Just for Men — the longer it was left on, the darker it got. Impatience resulted in Trump’s orange-blond hair color.
And while some were outright fooled by the passage, others were more in the middle:
But here's the good news. If your cable provider is Spectrum, Gorilla Channel is coming your way.
^Just kidding. Obviously. But you never know.