President Donald Trump's surprise firing of FBI Director James Comey plunged America into what many legal experts are calling a constitutional crisis, and the president is responding in a calculated, professional matter.
SIKE!! (Do people still say "sike"? Well, they do now) This morning, he's live-tweeting CNN! Despite declaring the network "FAKE NEWS" in a tweet this morning, Trump just can't quit the ol' Cable News Network. So he delivered one of his classic morning Twitter freakouts—his dedication to them being his only consistent position.
Here are Trump's morning tweets, followed by what they actually mean:
The Democrats have said some of the worst things about James Comey, including the fact that he should be fired, but now they play so sad!— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) May 10, 2017
Translation: Who woulda thunk that firing the person currently investigating me for Russia connections would be seem as bad?! You'd think that because Comey is the dude whose intervention in the election got me here, they'd be celebrating his ouster! But no, I am bad at politics.
James Comey will be replaced by someone who will do a far better job, bringing back the spirit and prestige of the FBI.— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) May 10, 2017
Translation: I will soon be replaced by someone who will do a far better job, bringing back the spirit and prestige of the presidency.
Comey lost the confidence of almost everyone in Washington, Republican and Democrat alike. When things calm down, they will be thanking me!— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) May 10, 2017
Translation: I am not even pretending not to be a cartoon villain anymore, and am throwing out such threats as "SOON YOU WILL BE THANKING ME, MWAHAHAHA!"
Now this one's a duo:
Watching Senator Richard Blumenthal speak of Comey is a joke. "Richie" devised one of the greatest military frauds in U.S. history. For....— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) May 10, 2017
caught, he cried like a baby and begged for forgiveness...and now he is judge & jury. He should be the one who is investigated for his acts.— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) May 10, 2017
Translation: Senator Richard Blumenthal, a member of the legislative branch whose constitutional duty includes serving as a check and balance on the executive (THAT'S ME, MUTHAF**KAS!) ,had the audacity to criticize my move, and I hereby deflect with ad hominem attacks.
The Roger Stone report on @CNN is false - Fake News. Have not spoken to Roger in a long time - had nothing to do with my decision.— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) May 10, 2017
Translation: I've been in touch with my BFF, who literally has a tattoo of Richard Nixon's face on his back, but you aren't supposed to know that.
It's gonna be a long day.