An anonymous hero just dumped the entirety of Donald Trump's radio banter with Howard Stern, opening a Pandora's Box of 15 (FIFTEEN!) hours of crude conversations between the now-president and the shock jock.
In a series of interviews between 1993 and 2015, Trump predictably said disgusting things about women, like letting Stern call his daughter Ivanka a "hot piece of ass" and in some newly released recording, talked about seeking the "right price" for his wife Melania Trump and groping her in public.
Here's how Trump describes his meet-cute with the now First Lady in an interview on November 11, 1999, transcribed by Factba.se.
Stern: Have you ever felt her up in public?
Stern: Yeah. As I know.
Trump: I'm very well behaved, actually, and almost always I'm very down the middle.
Stern: How did you meet this supermodel?
Trump: I met her at a very big party in New York. And she was there along with other supermodels, and I greeted all of them, and I said, that's the one that's the most beautiful.
Trump: And she is considered beautiful by the other girls. I mean they, she's really considered most beautiful, but she's beyond beauty, she's a very nice person.
Stern: And you got stank on your hangover the first night?
Trump: I didn't do well with her the first time.
Stern: You didn't.
Trump: No, it was not working. The whole thing was not working the first night.
Wow, what a romantic first date. Barack and Michelle Obama's first date was adapted into the indie movie Southside With You—Donald and Melania's fairytale romance should be immortalized on screen.
On May 24, 2002, Trump referred to seeing Melania on a billboard and trying to get "the right price" for her. So sweet!
Stern: She must be great in the sack. She must have magic.... She must do something.
Trump: Well, I let her do advertising down there because I got her for the right price, Howard [referring to Melania on a New York City billboard ad].
Stern: She must be driving you crazy.
Trump: I really made a good deal. She did go on the billboards, and I got it for the right price.
Stern: And she's not a—she's not a pain in the ass, like Ivana?
Trump: No, she's great.
Trump also talked about his daughter, of course. In November 2004, Stern asked if Ivanka was dating anyone, hinted at some potential element of self-awareness when he suggested that she might look down on him.
Trump: My daughter’s becoming a blue blood, she’s becoming very white shoe. That’s true.
Stern: You [should] introduce her to me.
Trump: I think my daughter looks down on me. She said, ‘oh my god-'
Another potential nugget of self-reflection came in 1993, when he talked about compulsive handwashing.
Stern: You wash your hands how many times.
Trump: As many times as possible.
Stern: You realize that’s a psychological problem.
Trump: It could be a psychological problem.
Trump: No. I like it. I like cleanliness. Cleanliness is a nice thing. Not only hands, body, everything.
Another staggering moment that has nothing to do with women but has everything to do with the shock that this man would become president was on October 10, 2001. A month after 9/11, Trump pitched an interesting way to try and stop terrorists:
You have a red button in the plane, and the pilot has a huge problem in the back. He's got two or three terrorists, you know, crazy. He presses a button and sleeping gas comes out, the entire back of the plane goes to sleep.
During the presidential campaign, Stern refused to re-air any interviews he had with Trump, stating that it would be a "betrayal" while people were attacking him.
Newsweek recently obtained the full audio and transcripts of all fifteen hours of their conversations, which were recently sent via Dropbox by an anonymous person earlier this month.
"Taken together, the Stern interviews are a rich, Freudian case study, a gold mine for anyone trying to understand the president of the United States," wrote Newsweek's Nina Burleigh, "The real estate magnate usually called in when he had something to hawk—a book, a prizefight, his TV show—but almost always stayed around to banter with Stern, whose preoccupation with sex and unctuous questioning style led the real estate magnate to free-associate on everything from his parents, children and upbringing to money, enemies, politics and, of course, breasts, enhanced or not."
They align perfectly with "Hail to the Chief."