Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III, Attorney General of the United States, is using his powers to maintain order throughout the land, taking on the menace that plagues our society: 61-year-old women who laugh loudly.
At Jeff Sessions' confirmation hearing on January 10th, Desiree Fairooz, an activist with the group Code Pink, was caught snickering when Senator Richard Shelby (R-Ala.) said that Sessions' history of "treating all Americans equally under the law is clear and well documented."
Fairooz must have remembered the fact that Sessions was rejected from a federal judgeship in the 80s because of concerns about racial biases (nice way of saying "racist views"), and therefore couldn't help but laugh at Shelby's statement.
The Huffington Post reports that Fairooz was seated at the back of the room, and that the laugh didn't interrupt Shelby's speech. But the government is pressing charges, saying that the laugh was "disorderly and disruptive conduct" intended to "impede, disrupt, and disturb the orderly conduct" of the confirmation hearings.
Fairooz was escorted from the room, and is now on trial at Superior Court in D.C.
Jason Covert, an assistant U.S. attorney trying the case, asked the Capitol Police officer who arrested her whether the laughter was "loud enough to draw your attention."
Ariel Gold, Fairooz's fellow member of Code Pink, testified in court on Monday that Fairooz's laughter "was a reflex and not a purposeful interruption."
We all laugh at moments we shouldn't—some just chuckle harder than others.
And others can't handle the burn, so dispatch their employees and use the apparatus of the United States Department of Justice to seek revenge.
To type this out for the 3,872nd time in Trump's America: Yes, this is a real thing that's happening.
Watch out, Kate McKinnon. You're next.