The Republican Party just released its platform, and it reads like a bitter breakup letter with the gays. Don't believe us? In the words of Donald Trump, just "Ask the gays!" So we did just that.
The 2016 GOP platform supports overturning the Supreme Court's marriage decision with a constitutional amendment; appointing federal judges that support "traditional family values"—something Trump knows so much about; promoting state laws that limit which restroom transgender people could use; even "conversion therapy" a.k.a. "pray the gay away."
FULL DISCLOSURE: This author has tried; it's impossible to pray his gay away. He's that gay.
But, as everyone's mother has said since the beginning of time, if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. So we asked eight comedians to think of something nice to say about the man who's leading a party that feels so anti-gay.
I'll say this about trump, at least he doesn't care what people think about him.
Trump is the reason I'm 100% certain I'm gay. Thanks Trump!
He looks better with Nene Leakes' hair than Nene Leakes.
"It sure looks like he's having fun up there" that's a thing people say to comics when we bomb.
His little hands make our dicks look sooo big. And they are as soft as a billion dollars, mm mmmmm.
He's rich, which is chic. Having money is great!
I'm thankful for Trump. He helped me end friendships that should've ended years ago.
I respect how easy to spell his last name is.