After a full day of fear-mongering madness at the Republican National Convention, the 14-minute address by First Lady candidate Melania Trump was absolutely the least awful. Despite being plagued by plagiarism, the female Trump did an impressive job of staying poised before the crowd, managing not to spew hate and fear like a Chachi or a Giuliani. Here are five totally-not-terrible things she said, as the breath of fresh air in a stuffy room of stuffy old people.
1."The 2016 Republican primaries were fierce and started with many candidates, 17 to be exact, and I know that Donald agrees with me when I mention how talented all of them are. They deserve respect and gratitude from all of us."
It's certainly a classy move to thank the candidates we lost along the way. She sounds more genuine in saying that her husband's former foes "deserve respect and gratitude" than when Trump does, considering he only referred to them by vicious, petty nicknames.
2. "I would like to take this moment to recognize an amazing veteran, the great Senator Bob Dole. And let us thank all of our veterans in the arena today, and those across our great country. We are all truly blessed to be here. That will never change."
It's always important to thank veterans, and calling attention to Bob Dole is a nice opportunity to reminisce about Republican candidates of yore.
3. "One of the many causes dear to my heart is helping children and women. You judge a society by how it treats its citizens. We must do our best to ensure that every child can live in comfort and security, with the best possible education."
It was the first mention of "helping women" at the convention thus far, and unlike the politicians, she might actually mean it.
3. "There is a great deal of love in the Trump family. That is our bond, and that is our strength."
It's always moving to hear people talk about what a close family means to them, and "there is a great deal of love in the Trump family" is certainly not plagiarized from Michelle Obama.
4. "We need new programs to help the poor and opportunities to challenge the young. There has to be a plan for growth — only then will fairness result."
"Fairness"? "Programs to help the poor"? She certainly must be from communist Slovenia.
5. "As citizens of this great nation, it is kindness, love and compassion for each other that will bring us together — and keep us together."
It's a shame that as an immigrant (gasp!) she's ineligible to run for president, because she's the most presidential Trump of them all.