White House doctor Ronny Jackson made a special guest appearance at today's press briefing, and with all the solemnity of a man who has seen Donald Trump naked, read out the results of the president's physical.
1. Trump is one pound away from being considered obese.
Many people are saying that 239 pounds sounds suspiciously low, leading to the birth of a new birther movement.
2. Dr. Jackson confirmed that yes, Trump takes Propecia for male pattern baldness.
Side effects may include:
But is it working?
3. It might come as a surprise, but Trump doesn't have an exercise routine.
4. That time Trump slurred his words and said "God bless the United Shtashezj" was brought to you by Sudafed™.
5. His supporters will be pleased to learn that Trump has superior genes.
REPORTER: How does a guy who eats McDonald's & all those Diet Cokes & never exercises be in as good of shape as you say he is?— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) January 16, 2018
PHYSICIAN: It's called genetics... he has incredible genes... I told him if he had a healthier diet over last 20 years he might live to be 200 years old pic.twitter.com/6zAPFioQ4D
6. Trump aced the cognitive test, but did not undergo any psychiatric testing.
But scoring a 30/30 on the Montreal Cognitive Assessment is not as exciting as it sounds.
7. Dr. Jackson says that Trump is 6-foot-3, but his driver's license says 6-foot-2. Hmm.
As The New York Times reporter Maggie Haberman notes, that inch is what spares him as being classified as obese.
8. Trump may not sound healthy but he is healthy, okay?
DR GUPTA: Trump "is taking cholesterol-lowering medication, he has evidence of heart disease, and he's borderline obese. Can you characterize that as excellent health?"— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) January 16, 2018
PRESIDENTIAL PHYSICIAN: Yes! pic.twitter.com/e63bKD2H7W