Sarah Huckabee Sanders has a new strategy for White House press briefings. From now on, she is going to start some briefings by reading a piece of Trump's fan mail. No, really. That is a thing now! Fan mail, she says, from some of the "forgotten men, women and children" who love President Trump very much and believe he is a nice person who does not use an excessive amount of bronzer, thank you very much.
She decided to kick off this new tradition by reading a letter from someone claiming to be a 9-year-old boy named Dylan "Pickle"Harbin who really, really loves Donald Trump and thinks he is the best and had a Donald Trump themed birthday party and everything. Because our president, apparently, is the new Captain Kangaroo.
Sanders got very choked up while reading the letter, which was definitely not written by Trump himself:
"My name is Dylan Harbin, but everybody calls me "Pickle." I'm nine years old and you're my favorite president. I like you so much that I had a birthday about you. My cake was the shape of your hat."
"Pickle" then goes on to ask Trump a number of questions he could have easily Googled, such as how old he is and how big the White House is.
"I don't know why people don't like you," says "Pickle." To which Sanders replied, "Me, either Dylan." "You seem really nice," he continued." Can we be friends?"
Sanders then said that she spoke to the President, who affirmed that they can, indeed, be friends. Just like how he is friends with other "people" like his former spokesperson John Barron.
Given that this is a thing now, I thought I would share a piece of my own fan mail with you, which I definitely did not write myself.
My name is Nibrah Nalyd, but everyone calls me Googoots. I am 9-years-old and your biggest fan. I even had a Robyn-themed birthday party, and a cake with bangs and a huge rack. I think you are the best writer on the whole entire internet, a fashion icon, and also that you have hair that shines like the sea. Not to mention your beautiful, melodious singing voice. Like an angel, really. Also I believe that you own a perfectly acceptable amount of scarves and anyone that tells you otherwise is UNFAIR and probably jealous of how very much like Isadora Duncan you are.
Ah yes, good times for everybody!
But all kidding aside, let's note that Sanders had time for this nonsense, but did not, apparently, have time to answer reporter's questions about Trump kicking transgender people out of the military. In fact, she threatened to stop the whole show altogether if they kept asking questions about that, rather than about other things.
"If those are the only questions we have, I'm going to call it a day," she said, after insisting the ban was just a "military decision." Oh gee, so weird how journalists would be more interested in the details of something like that than in reading Trump's fan mail. What with it being a press briefing and not Sunset Boulevard.
So basically what they are trying to do here is, instead of having actual press briefings like grown-ass White House officials, is have the Trump Happy Times Make America Great Again Propaganda Hour With Your Friends Sarah and Pickle. That's nice.