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White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer made his grand return to the podium for his first on-camera press briefing in two weeks, stepping out for an administration that thinks the messaging (and not the darn Russia thing) is the source of their problems. That's like saying that after a catastrophic crash, a car just needs a better paint job.

This morning, White House communications director Mike Dubke quit, begging the question, "Wait, someone was directing these communications?"

And now, in an attempt to communicate on behalf of a White House that thinks they can lie their way out of messes that they've lied themselves into, Sean Spicer aggressively said a whole lot of nothing which, in Trumpworld, is everything.

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Most notably, Spicer refused to answer whether Donald Trump knew about Jared Kushner seeking back-channel communications with Russia using Russian equipment in the Russian embassy. Russia.

Spicey notably contradicted his own president, who dignified the reports about Kushner and the Russians with an unsourced retweet of Fox & Friends.

Congressman Ted Lieu suggested that Spicer couldn't deny the story because the Russians could immediately leak what Kushner said.

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In a moment almost indistinguishable from a Melissa McCarthy parody, Spicer went full Trump and went off on "Fake News," insisting that reporters on Twitter are "perpetuating false narratives," for suggesting such out-there takes as "Trump is rude."

Interesting that as the English language evolves, "fake" has simply come to mean "bad."

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Sadly, Spicer wasn't indoors and couldn't run off into the nearest bush, a safe space he so badly craves.

The Bush administration.
The Bush administration.
Giphy

Without nearby shrubbery, Spicer promptly closed up his folder and bolted, after a noticeably short period of time.

Notice, as Spicer bolts, a reporter yells, "Is Kushner fake news?" and the press pool boos him for deserting them.

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Perhaps Spicer had to leave immediately because he got an idea where Trump might be physically hiding his soul.

His performance was widely reviewed as "devastating" and "terrible."

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Oh, and by the way, Spicer simply "hasn't asked" if Trump accepts that climate change is caused by human activity, which is kind of an important issue that concerns the future durability of the planet.

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Someone should tell Spicer that he should be concerned about climate change—it just might affect his favorite bushes.

Welcome back, Spicy.

The bushes await.