There is an old saying that "Washington is Hollywood for ugly people." That saying is a really good one.
First of all, yes, word nerds: "congress" is a word for sex. As in "sexual congress." So yes, SexyCongress.net is kinda named "Sexy Sex." More importantly, although it's taken at least 15 years since the technology that powered HotOrNot was first developed, someone finally created a website devoted to ranking Congress by eff-ability. If you're at work and can't be caught actually clicking through elected representatives and deciding which one you'd rather do (the option to kill or marry is not given), let me present you with some findings from the overall rankings.
1. America would rather have sex with women, although it doesn't elect all that many of them.
Almost half of the women in Congress appear on this list before the #1 dude.
There are 99 women in Congress, which amounts to fewer than 20% of the total membership. However, they DOMINATE the top of the "who would you rather have sex with" rankings. Either we as a nation just prefer the female form, or there are a lot of dudes using this website. OR, we unfairly judge women based on appearance, and so there are a lot more ugly dudes in Congress. I'm sure someone will write a PhD thesis on this using SexyCongres.net as their source by the end of the next academic year.
2. Marco Rubio is the second-hottest male in Congress.
"My family came here from Cuba because we were too hot for Communism."
After Martin Heinrich of the Studmuffin Party. Rubio's 2016 chances just went up, in my book.
3. Although my coworker swears Boehner was #69 earlier today, you apparently don't need looks to run the House.
"I'm NOT crying. Just take the picture!"
Pelosi is ranked #38. Apparently the bottle-tan look isn't winning over America, John.
4. Steve King is ranked way too high.
"I'm the only person in my state still authorized to teach sex ed."
Is it the crazy eyes? We all know crazy is good in bed, so I'm going to assume it's the crazy eyes.
5. Joe Kennedy is ranked way too low.
"My Irish eyes aren't just smiling, they're telling a raucously hilarious bar story."
How is this charming Irishman not running the table on the rest of these chumps?!
6. I am proudly represented by the 29th hottest member of Congress.
"I'm an incredibly accomplished person, and this is the first time you've ever probably heard of me. God, I love America."
Go, Illinois 9!