This Monday, word got out that Blake Farenthold, Republican congressman, footie pajama connoisseur, accused sexual harasser and former owner of www.blow-me.org, suggested on a radio show a few weeks ago that he would totally duel Senator Susan Collins of Maine if she were a man from Texas, which she is not.
To explain! In an interview with a Corpus Christi radio station a few weeks ago, the Texas congressman blamed the "absolutely repugnant" Republican women of the Senate for not helping to repeal Obamacare.
He then said:
“Some of the people that are opposed to this — there are some female senators from the northeast. If it was a guy from south Texas I might ask them to step outside and settle this Aaron Burr-style.”
By which he means a duel with guns. And hats!
While Collins is not the only female Republican Senator to take issue with the idea of kicking millions of people off of healthcare -- both Sen. Lisa Murkowski of Alaska and Shelly Moore-Capito of West Virginia have stated their objections to it as well -- she is the only female Republican from the northeast.
Well! Word of this got out to Susan Collins herself, who was soon enough caught on a hot mic deriding the Congressman's looks and taste in rubber duck-themed footie pajamas.
In the audio, Collins is heard asking "Did you see the one who challenged me to a duel?," with an unnamed male Senator responding "You could beat the sh-- out of him." Later, on the tape, Collins says "He's huge.. he's so unattractive it's unbelievable," and then asks "Did you see the picture of him in the pajamas?"
This is of course, in reference to the above picture of Congressman Farenthold wearing footie pajamas while in the company of lingerie models.
Now, fat shaming anyone -- including a horrible Congressmonster like Farenthold -- is gross and unacceptable. Making fun of his footie pajama picture with lingerie models, however, is totally fine and she could just keep doing that. Because holy crap, that picture. It will never stop being hilarious.
It is also probably acceptable to note that he definitely has a "dead bodies under the floorboards" look about him, because that is really more about the way he carries himself than his looks. And it is true, he does, and someone should go check.
She may also want to note the incredibly disturbing details of his former staffer's sexual harassment complaint against him, which included comments about her nipples, telling her all about the "wet dreams" he had about her and more. Not that it would (as we have learned from Trump) do anything to derail his political career, but because she should honestly be grateful that he only wants to challenge her to a shootout at the OK Corral. Given the choice between Blake Farenthold talking to me about my nipples and Blake Farenthold shooting me in the head while wearing a dandy-ish hat, I am not 100% sure I would pick the former.
It's interesting to note here that it is somehow more acceptable for a Republican Congressman to go "Hey! You know that lady Republican Senator? I sure would like to murder her with a gun! If only she had a penis so I could!" than it is for a Shakespeare in the Park company to do a production of Julius Caesar with a dude who looks like Donald Trump playing Caesar. I guess there are just different rules for different people! Who would have thought?