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The Republican National Convention is coming to Tampa, Fla., which means scores of deeply closeted conservatives will be looking to unwind from a long day of discriminating against gays with a long night of indiscriminate gay sex. Luckily, the staff at the Ybor Resort & Spa — billed as "Tampa's only gay-owned and gay-operated club, private resort, and bathhouse" — is willing to look past that hypocritical bigotry by offering free admission to discreetly homosexual Republicans. The resort promises "gang showers" and a "sling/cage room," plus all the lube and sex toys your deeply repressed sexual appetite can handle. Just watch out for Santorum, or things could get messy in a hurry.

Sources: Indecision