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Ted Cruz is on the record as saying that it should be illegal to sell sex toys and that the government had an interest in preventing masturbation, Mother Jones has reported. Oh Ted, if you wanted America not to masturbate, you shouldn't have eaten that booger on live TV that one time! So hot.

Oh yeah, swallow it for momma, that's the sh*t.
Oh yeah, swallow it for momma, that's the sh*t.

Cruz outlined this position when he argued in favor of a law in Texas that banned the sale of "dildos, artificial vaginas, and other obscene devices," with a penalty of imprisonment for up to two years—a law that, unsurprisingly, was later struck down by the courts. Because it's legal to sell sex toys in America, a free country. Wrote Mother Jones:

Sources: Mother Jones