Ted Cruz said the government should discourage masturbation. "Ha," says someone who used to share a room with him.

Ted Cruz said the government should discourage masturbation. "Ha," says someone who used to share a room with him.
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Ted Cruz is on the record as saying that it should be illegal to sell sex toys and that the government had an interest in preventing masturbation, Mother Jones has reported. Oh Ted, if you wanted America not to masturbate, you shouldn't have eaten that booger on live TV that one time! So hot.

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Oh yeah, swallow it for momma, that's the sh*t.

Cruz outlined this position when he argued in favor of a law in Texas that banned the sale of "dildos, artificial vaginas, and other obscene devices," with a penalty of imprisonment for up to two years—a law that, unsurprisingly, was later struck down by the courts. Because it's legal to sell sex toys in America, a free country. Wrote Mother Jones:

The brief insisted that Texas, in order to protect "public morals," had  "police-power interests" in "discouraging prurient interests in sexual gratification, combating the commercial sale of sex, and protecting minors." There was a  "government" interest, it maintained, in "discouraging…autonomous sex." The brief compared the use of sex toys to "hiring a willing prostitute or engaging in consensual bigamy," and it equated advertising these products with the commercial promotion of prostitution. In perhaps the most noticeable line of the brief, Cruz's office declared, "There is no substantive-due-process right to stimulate one's genitals for non-medical purposes unrelated to procreation or outside of an interpersonal relationship." That is, the pursuit of such happiness had no constitutional standing.

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Thank God someone told this news to Craig Mazin—Ted Cruz's old college roommate, who hates his guts. According to Mazin, Cruz was a jerk in more ways than one:

Ted Cruz, a sinner??? There's obviously no proof of these claims, but they seem valid. If there's one thing college-aged boys do, it's masturbate. It's normal. It's even healthy! Besides, a young Ted Cruz once said he wanted to be in a "teen tit film."

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Plus, of course, Cruz's entire political career has been one long act of masturbation. It's not like he's tried to please his colleagues.

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