"I'm just here so Jeb Bush looks fine." #TedCruzCampaignSlogans
I'm the reason Canadians apologize so much. #TedCruzCampaignSlogans
— Sliv O'Titz (@ACreativeMuggle) March 23, 2015
In case you missed it, Ted Cruz announced he was running for president this morning at a mandatory event for students at Liberty University, the Christian school founded by Jerry Falwell that has banned College Democrats from operating on campus since 2009.
TOM Cruise's new 'Mission Impossible' trailer released same day TED Cruz announces impossible mission. COINCIDENCE??
— Eli Braden (@EliBraden) March 23, 2015
Ted Cruz is the Abraham Lincoln of Sarah Palins. #TedCruzCampaignSlogans
— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) March 23, 2015
Campaign pledges included ending the IRS, opposing all forms of immigration reform, explicitly denying that pollution can affect the environment, and generally encouraging people to "imagine" situations that sounded good to him.
"It's cool, guys, I can say whatever I want about science. Some of my best friends are science." -Ted Cruz
— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) March 23, 2015
Ted Cruz is throwing so much red meat to evangelicals that they just built a butcher shop around him.
— Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) March 23, 2015
Because Eddie Haskel isn't Running #TedCruzCampaignSlogans
— Hal Sparks (@HalSparks) March 23, 2015
"We're not doomed to repeat history, because I'll get rid of that in schools right after science." #TedCruzCampaignSlogans— Johnny McNulty (@JohnnyMcNulty) March 23, 2015
Everyone there loved it! Well, except for these Rand Paul fans:
lol RT @ijreview: .@SenRandPaul Supporters Troll @tedcruz At His Own Announcement Speech http://t.co/dvBQngMgWt pic.twitter.com/lYRqP6Gb4z
— Benny (@bennyjohnson) March 23, 2015
Listen, there are a lot of people who are honestly enthused about Ted Cruz, a first-term senator whom everyone can actually prove was born overseas (well, over-Great-Lakes).
Proving Birtherism Was All About Race #TedCruzCampaignSlogans
— Eric Wolfson (@EricWolfson) March 23, 2015
Which is weird because they're the same people who rabidly hate the last first term senator (who repeatedly had to prove he was born in Hawaii) who ran for president, but we don't look for sense in politics.
Because the son of an illegal immigrant can hate illegal immigrants harder than you can!! #TedCruzCampaignSlogans
— Kate Buh-bye, GOP! (@LeftsideAnnie) March 23, 2015
We don't look for honest enthusiasm, either, because it's not funny.
"He doesn't actually look like Joe McCarthy at all, shut up." #TedCruzCampaignSlogans
— STEVE HUFF (@SteveHuff) March 23, 2015
Killed Them All Of Course #TedCruzCampaignSlogans
— Frank Conniff (@FrankConniff) March 23, 2015
We look for snarky jokes and sarcasm! It wasn't particularly hard to find, particularly at the hashtag #TedCruzCampaignSlogans.
"Stop Laughing You Guys, I'm Serious!" #TedCruzCampaignSlogans
— Ed Cates (@EdCates) March 23, 2015
A vote for Ted in the primaries... is a vote for Hillary in the general. #TedCruzCampaignSlogans
— Bob Witeck (@Bob_Witeck) March 23, 2015
Immigration: Worked For me, But That's Where It Needs To End #TedCruzCampaignSlogans
— Sarah Wood (@SarahWoodwriter) March 23, 2015
You should check it out—it's a delightful mix of liberals being snobs about conservatives and conservatives gloating that liberals' heads are somehow "exploding" (seriously, #tcot types have a real fixation with libs' heads exploding). Since we were looking for actual jokes however, not many of the pro-Ted Cruz folks got in. Just to prove I did look, however, here's the funniest #tcot humor out there:
Democrats are still pissed about a two week government shutdown? It's like their mosque was closed. #TedCruzCampaignSlogans
— AdolfJoeBiden™ (@Bidenshairplugs) March 23, 2015
Why are @TheDemocrats whining about #TedCruz? They've always wanted a foreign born hispanic president
— Andrew Wilkow (@wilkowmajority) March 23, 2015
Sorry Democrats, we will ignore any actual reasons you have for disagreeing with #TedCruz and just scream racist at you from here on out.
— KillerBunnyFooFoo™ (@PolitiBunny) March 23, 2015
How dare #TedCruz not use a Teleprompter and make Obama look like a cheating 2nd grader. #teaparty pic.twitter.com/cxui7cPBuf
— SecureOurBorder (@yobynnad1127) March 23, 2015
That—anger and resentment-based humor—is why conservative Daily Show imitators tend to not do so well. Completely unlike the tasteful and erudite jokes of the left:
Ted Cruz has chronic "Something just went up my butt" face pic.twitter.com/pgwpQLrjPH
— Nice Hippo (@NicestHippo) March 23, 2015
I try to mostly say nice things but Ted Cruz really looks like the blob of Brie cheese left at the end of book club— Kate Spencer (@katespencer) March 23, 2015
FOX NEWS: TED CRUZ LAUNCHES BID TO DENY OBAMA THIRD AND FOURTH TERM.— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 23, 2015
Okay let's show a little respect, Ted Cruz was MAYOR of Guy Fieri's Flavortown— Alex Blagg (@alexblagg) March 23, 2015
I'd also just like to point out how old the first tweet in this hashtag is. Congrats, Lisa!
Ted Cruz for President, eh! #tedcruzcampaignslogans— Lisa (@thecitizeNY) August 20, 2013