After eight years in a row of glorious Barack Obama turkey pardons, 2017 brought us a pretty lame turkey pardon from Donald Trump.
While watching the live stream of the pardon in the Someecards office, my coworkers and I couldn't help but keep exclaiming our thoughts on the eight-minute ceremony–and we had a lot of thoughts.
Here are 30 thoughts we had while watching Trump pardon Drumstick the turkey.
- Trump's bright pink tie is a CHOICE.
- Trump just called Drumstick the turkey "beautiful."
- My God please don't let this man hurt Drumstick the beautiful turkey.
- Trump announced "Today I'm going to be a much nicer president" after throwing shade at President Truman for refusing to pardon a turkey.
- Melania's coat looks like if you googled "basic Thanksgiving print" and made a coat out of it.
- Melania's coat is draped on her shoulders like a goddamn mannequin.
- Only rich people drape coats on their shoulders.
- I don't particularly like the look, but one day I'd like to be rich enough to drape my coat over my shoulders.
- Barron and Melania are doing a great job of avoiding looking at Donald during his speech.
- Trump is describing the place where Drumstick and his friend Wishbone are going to retire after the ceremony and it sounds way nicer than my apartment.
- "As many of you know, I have been active in overturning a number of executive actions by my predecessor," Trump said, referring to Obama. YEAH, NO SHIT, YOU MONSTER. Then Trump explained that he literally checked if he could revoke Obama's pardon–A.K.A. HAVE TATER AND TOT KILLED. Luckily, he got was told no. "However, Tater and Tot's pardons cannot under any circumstances be revoked," he said. Phew.
- Trump is donating some sort of food to "people in need" but he didn't specify which people. We assume he just means white people who feel oppressed by liberals.
- Barron looks pretty bummed for a kid who clearly got to skip school today.
- Melania keeps surveying the crowd, as if to see if anyone is judging her for her life choices.
- Couldn't they have given Barron an iPad or something to keep him entertained during this boring speech?
- Trump literally said, "[The turkeys] say, 'enough talk, please pardon us.'" Nah bro, pardon your son-in-law.
- When his speech ended, Barron was gazing off away from his dad so disinterestedly that he JUMPED when Donald patted him on the back to start walking over to the turkey.
- Of course the turkey is white.
- Trump's real reaction as he gets closer to Drumstick: "Wow, wow, that's a big bird! How heavy is that bird?"
- Trump said "Am I allowed to touch it?" before touching the turkey and it was probably the first time he ever asked permission before touching a living being in his life.
- All Trump said to pardon the turkey was: "Drumstick, you are hereby pardoned."
- Then Trump started clapping for himself.
- Wait. Where is Wishbone the turkey? Trump mentioned him earlier and I'm starting to worry that Trump killed Wishbone.
- Dang, I really miss Obama's dad jokes.
- Drumstick is probably like "You know what? Just kill me."
- Who are all these teen girls in green shirts and why did their parents let them stand so close to a sexual predator?
- Trump leaned in to tell the teen girls something and THEY ALL GIGGLED.
- Ah, now the family is heading back inside. How has Melania not yet learned that walking on grass in stilettos isn't worth it?
- I'm glad Barron is now free to ignore his dad in private for a few hours.
- I need to go watch some Barack Obama turkey-pardoning dad jokes to get through this moment.
Watch the full live stream below: