Here are 15 things that the GOP is plausibly replacing your healthcare with, so make sure you take your vitamins and eat your spinach because you're not going to want to get sick for at least four years.
1. Trump will personally offer women free mammograms.
2. New presidential fitness test will include "pulling yourself up by the bootstraps."
3. Mike Pence will help you to pray your cancer away.
4. Newt Gingrich will heal you in exchange for a part of your soul.
5. Stay fit with Paul Ryan's workout tape: "Sweatin' to the Old Laws."
6. Build a wall between those who are ill and make the sick people pay for it.
7. You can borrow money from your father to pay your astronomical out-of-pocket bills.
8. Anyone with mental health issues will be sent a discounted "hang in there" kitty poster.
9. Trump will add "chasing immigrants" to FitBit exercise counter.
10. You know, just a good old-fashioned leeching.
11. Doctors will offer an "alternative diagnoses" if you don't like what you are diagnosed with.
12. He will inspire many protest marches that will keep you fit and toned.
13. Those with infections encouraged to eat antibiotic rich Trump steaks.
14. Mr. Trump requests all urine samples be sent directly to him.
15. If you die of a pre-existing condition, your bones will be mulched and used in the construction of the wall.