15 Obamacare alternatives that are likely to come from the Trump administration.

15 Obamacare alternatives that are likely to come from the Trump administration.
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Republicans are really jazzed about repealing and replacing Obamacare, also known as the Affordable Care Act. But there is only one problem: they still haven't announced what they are replacing it with. So hold tight, 1.4 million people who depend on Obamacare to literally not die! They've been coming up with something for the last six years, so you know it's going to be good!

Here are 15 things that the GOP is plausibly replacing your healthcare with, so make sure you take your vitamins and eat your spinach because you're not going to want to get sick for at least four years.

1. Trump will personally offer women free mammograms.

15 Obamacare alternatives that are likely to come from the Trump administration.
But only if you're a 10.
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2. New presidential fitness test will include "pulling yourself up by the bootstraps."

15 Obamacare alternatives that are likely to come from the Trump administration.
You can do it, you're just not
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3. Mike Pence will help you to pray your cancer away.

15 Obamacare alternatives that are likely to come from the Trump administration.
If that doesn't work, he will shock it out of you.
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4. Newt Gingrich will heal you in exchange for a part of your soul.

15 Obamacare alternatives that are likely to come from the Trump administration.
He survives by feeding off the souls of the living.
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5. Stay fit with Paul Ryan's workout tape: "Sweatin' to the Old Laws."

15 Obamacare alternatives that are likely to come from the Trump administration.
Party like it's 1885.
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6. Build a wall between those who are ill and make the sick people pay for it.

15 Obamacare alternatives that are likely to come from the Trump administration.
Keep those germs out.
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7. You can borrow money from your father to pay your astronomical out-of-pocket bills.

15 Obamacare alternatives that are likely to come from the Trump administration.
Bonus: It's another way to screw the children of single mothers!
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8. Anyone with mental health issues will be sent a discounted "hang in there" kitty poster.

15 Obamacare alternatives that are likely to come from the Trump administration.
Ugh, this cat is such a snowflake.
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9. Trump will add "chasing immigrants" to FitBit exercise counter.

15 Obamacare alternatives that are likely to come from the Trump administration.
Hold on to your (red) hats!
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10. You know, just a good old-fashioned leeching.

15 Obamacare alternatives that are likely to come from the Trump administration.
Not just figuratively.
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11. Doctors will offer an "alternative diagnoses" if you don't like what you are diagnosed with.

15 Obamacare alternatives that are likely to come from the Trump administration.
All doctors trained at the Trump University of Medicine, of course.
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12. He will inspire many protest marches that will keep you fit and toned.

15 Obamacare alternatives that are likely to come from the Trump administration.
Also known as "walking it off."
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13. Those with infections encouraged to eat antibiotic rich Trump steaks.

15 Obamacare alternatives that are likely to come from the Trump administration.
Suck it, vegans.
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14. Mr. Trump requests all urine samples be sent directly to him.

15 Obamacare alternatives that are likely to come from the Trump administration.
We wonder why.
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15. If you die of a pre-existing condition, your bones will be mulched and used in the construction of the wall.

15 Obamacare alternatives that are likely to come from the Trump administration.
Now that is how you "make America great again."
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