We wish this was real.
Our traffic analytics allow us to see what percentage of you are reading the site on your phones from the comfort of a toilet seat, and it's 100%.
Hi reader. How's that poop going? Hopefully, you're feeling relaxed and not rushed by the knowledge you have a meeting in five minutes.
You'd never have that kind of scheduling conflict if you were using the Deuce app. It gives you 24-hour advance notification of when to expect a poo, and then rearranges your calendar so you've got plenty of time. My only complaint about the app is that it's a sketch written by The Bilderbergers and not a product I can download right this second.
This isn't the first time the group has addressed the important topic of pooping. Here are "8 Great Poop Hacks" you need to know about. You might as well click. We both know you're going to be here for a while.