Play Pope or Nope: The game that rates the papal candidates, from potential Pope! to total Nope!

Play Pope or Nope: The game that rates the papal candidates, from potential Pope! to total Nope!
Advertising
//cdn.someecards.com/someecards/images/legacy/happyplace.com/512fae405f45a.jpg

 

1. CARDINAL ANGELO SCOLA
Pros: The favorite choice of Pope Benedict. Already lives in Italy so the Vatican won't have to pay relocation fees. At a youthful 71, he can definitely handle the rigors of the job for a few more years.

Cons: In 2004, he started a foundation to create dialogue between Christians and Muslims, which doesn't sound very Catholic to us.

//cdn.someecards.com/someecards/images/legacy/happyplace.com/512fb68797223.png

 

2. CARDINAL PETER TURKSON
Pros: As the first black pope, he could do for the Catholic Church what Obama did for America: make it seem less racist.

Cons: It would be so boring to listen to people talk endlessly about what it means to have a black pope.

//cdn.someecards.com/someecards/images/legacy/happyplace.com/512fbb782bade.png

Advertising
 
3. BONO
Pros: Pope Bono has a nice ring to it. Lots of credibility in Pope-y areas like poverty in Africa. Could probably whip up some less-depressing hymns. Already thinks he has direct line to God.
 
Cons: Might be difficult getting Irish Catholics to put him a step below God.
 
Advertising
//cdn.someecards.com/someecards/images/legacy/happyplace.com/512fb24a402db.png
 
 
4. HILLARY CLINTON
Pros: She has lots of experience internationally, and she's obviously very good at forgiveness.
 
Cons: People would only want to talk about how her hair looks in a zucchetto.
 
Advertising
//cdn.someecards.com/someecards/images/legacy/happyplace.com/512fb07721a3e.png
 
 
5. MEL GIBSON
Pros: Strong faith, good at making propaganda films, handy in a post-apocalyptic world.
 
Cons: Actually believes all the stupid parts of Catholicism. Gets racist when he's had too much Jesus blood. 50% chance he'll cause the apocalypse.
 

//cdn.someecards.com/someecards/images/legacy/happyplace.com/512fb376b68e6.png

Advertising

 

6. RICK SANTORUM
Pros: Right beliefs, pleasant demeanor, can be relied upon to wage the noble war on condoms.
 
Cons: Two words: "Sweater Vestments."
 
//cdn.someecards.com/someecards/images/legacy/happyplace.com/512fb53b22331.png
Advertising
 
 
7. MANTI TE'O
Pros: Great at having relationship with distant and invisible entities.
 
Cons: Might abuse papal twitter account and start millions of fake online relationships.
 
//cdn.someecards.com/someecards/images/legacy/happyplace.com/512fbc3c48b43.png
 
 
8. HONEY BOO BOO
Pros: Thick accent means more icky parts of Catholicism won't be understood by anyone. Comfortable with being a spectacle. Pageant training will come in handy for waving duties. 

Cons: Turning Pope's life into reality show might further confuse whether we're supposed to be laughing with or at the Catholic Church.

Advertising

//cdn.someecards.com/someecards/images/legacy/happyplace.com/512fba806d07b.png

Advertising