Man asks if his reaction to his wife's 'mysterious' miscarriage was wrong.
If you've ever gone through a miscarriage, you know how tough it can be. When a married couple is trying to get pregnant, it can be such a struggle to lose a baby over and over again.
But what if there is some secrecy surrounding the pregnancy and miscarriage, and the lack of communication in the marriage leads to tension and misunderstanding? When this husband learns that his wife miscarried under really odd circumstances, he takes to the popular Reddit forum to ask:
'AITA for what I said to my wife after finding out she had a miscarriage?'
OP is the confused husband. And brace yourselves, this story is BIZARRE.
Me and my wife have been together for years, and we’ve been struggling with fertility since we got married. A few weeks ago I found out that she was pregnant, though she knew she was pregnant three months before she told me. Knowing she knew for so long upset me but I tried to let it go.
A week after finding that out I come home to see her crying on the couch with a pregnancy stick in her hand. I assumed it was just hormones and tried to comfort her until she stopped me from doing so and said “I lost the baby.” -jeneesee
Whoaaaaa......WHAT? That was fast! It gets weirder.
I was overwhelmed with emotions. I was angry, sad I don’t even know how to explain it. I sat there in shock for a moment trying to process how this could’ve happened how and why so quickly, just everything. After I was able to gain a slight amount of composure I started asking questions.
Come to find out she hasn’t gone to the hospital in two months. After she found out she was pregnant she didn’t go to the hospital for checkups. I asked her why she didn’t tell me that she was pregnant for so long simply responded with “I knew my body and I just wanted to make sure everything was okay beforehand.”
Okay, she didn't go to the hospital for two months, even though she'd struggled with fertility in the past? Something's off here....
I asked her why she just didn’t tell me all that time and was perfectly fine with it and all she said was” I just told you” and carried on looking at the pregnancy test. I responded under the heat of the moment “well if you would’ve just told me then maybe I could’ve helped and this wouldn’t have happened.” I regret what I said. She lost her sh**...
Right after she asked how I’m blaming this on her and I tried to explain that’s not what I meant and that came out so wrong but she ignored me grabbed some of her random belongings and left she was gone for two weeks and I tried to call around and see where she was at but no answers.
I found out that she has been staying at my in-laws' house for the past two weeks. I tried talking to her multiple times explaining that’s not what I meant I was under the heat of the moment and that this is an entire misunderstanding.
She said she just couldn’t get what I said out of her head and asked me to leave. A week after that I come home to divorce papers on the table and a ton of her belongings packed out. I know that what I said was wrong but i did not mean it I tried taking it back I tried explaining to her that that’s not what I meant I don’t think that is her fault but I was just confused.
Divorce papers??? What in the heck? OP's wife is confusing me...
I know that this is wrong but I feel like this was completely blown out of proportion for a genuine misunderstanding I have gone above and beyond to try to explain this but she just won’t listen again I understand that it was an AH thing to say but under the circumstances, I wasn’t in the right state of mind. —she was holding the test she took when she found out she was pregnant. AITA?
Well, Reddit users were all over the place with this story. Mostly, they have controversial theories. Let's take a look.
Ok so I’m gonna say what it doesn’t look like anyone else is saying: is she sure she had a miscarriage? Are you sure she was pregnant? And before you all jump down my throat, let me explain: If my math is correct, she was about 4 months pregnant when she told you (one month to get pregnant and find out, then 3 months of not telling you).
You said that was a few weeks ago. So she’s 18-20 weeks pregnant. She’s likely showing by now, and if she isn’t, that calls a few things into question. - Ldowd96
This user's theory goes deeper...
Also, you definitely don’t just take a pregnancy test at 4-5 months pregnant and assume you’ve had a miscarriage. There is something called the hook effect where your HCG gets so high later in pregnancy that it can actually overwhelm the test and make it appear negative even when you’re pregnant. And if she did in fact have a miscarriage, she for sure needs medical care.
A miscarriage at 18-20 weeks would essentially be like going through labour and possibly require surgery to remove all the tissue. You need to be asking some questions or reflecting here because something about this seems off. -Ldowd96
This other user has another interesting theory about the divorce...
OP is an AH for what he said but reading this strand of comments makes me want to add my thoughts. If the test she was looking at was the one confirming she was pregnant but she miscarried maybe she's blaming OP for them having a hard time getting pregnant.
Even if the blame is hormone related, in her mind it could be her thinking 'I want kids, I now know I can get pregnant so maybe he's the problem and since I want kids and he 'can't' give them to me (even though he got her pregnant) then I guess divorce is a route I should go' I just feel that either something big is missing or that this divorce was a quick decision from her. -cstamin
This user takes it a step further...
Yes. And there must have been some history behind this. What OP said was dreadful, I can’t imagine someone filing for divorce so quickly. Here’s where I say I’m not even going to touch the question of a possible pregnancy hoax! -candidmixture1015