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Vladimir Putin scored eight actual*, real*, not-fake* goals* in an exhibition hockey game against former NHL players**.

Vladimir Putin: Russian President. Tiger tranquilizer. Dildo model. And now, he's also a guy who's scored eight goals in a hockey game with former NHL players.

Even though Putin has admitted to staging publicity stunts in the past, I do think the guy has legitimate athletic skills, as well as the testicular fortitude to at least net him a role in the next Expendables film. (For that matter, was he in the last Expendables film? I stopped never started paying attention to that franchise.) But while he's obviously not a dunce on the ice, surely scoring 8 of his (winning) team's 18 goals means there has to be at least some element of "let Putin win," right? I mean, playing hockey with Putin must be like playing Monopoly with a cranky four-year-old, if that four-year-old could throw you in jail because you landed on Park Place before he did. Even if you know you can beat him, you gotta let him win.

Sources: h/t SB Nation | ABC News