You increase your vomiting week by week until you're ready for a 5K puke-a-thon.

If you're getting into fitness after what has essentially been a decades-long Dorito binge, it's best to ease yourself into it, and that's what the Couch-to-5K plan is designed to do. You increase your mileage a little bit over weeks and days until you can sort of pass as a functional human being. Only, acccording to Redditor kristiand061's sister, this is how day one of the program went for her. Ordinarily, your podrunner app would keep track of your crying and vomiting for you, but this lady doesn't have a "fancy app." (Pen and paper are just fine for her!) Frankly, we're breaking out in a sweat just imagining wogging (jog-walking) past all those houses. We are imagining day two went way better, because she decided to crank up the a/c and hold an Arrested Development 5K (episode 1-4) in the comfort of her living room.

Sources: Redditor kristiand061