We pretty much burst into tears right around "Took Dog." If you don't mind asbestos poisoning or the residual stench of abject misery, you could probably close on this house pretty easily. We're betting "Best Offer" could mean whatever prescription Wellbutrin you have lying around. Or he might let you have the joint for a hug and the reassurance that "it's all going to be okay." In fact he might even pay you to take it if you promise to burn it down and obliterate all record of the life he lived there. It's a buyer's market.