Summer is here, which means it's time to complain about all the horrible things that come along with everyone's favorite season. - I've been waiting all winter to start complaining about the summer heat - Summer has snuck up once again on me and my giant ass - I can't decide if a decent tan is worth the possible melanoma - I hope months of starvation, obsessive exercise, and painful grooming will get boys to notice the inner me - Today's forecast calls for near record swamp ass. - Sorry your state tends to catch fire this time of year - There's no stronger sunscreen than sitting in a bar. - May the inherent stress and peril of unfolding a beach chair not sabotage your plans to relax this summer - My condolences to a white person on once again experiencing sticker shock from buying suntan lotion. - I can't wait for whatever season it isn't right now. - Let's plan a tropical vacation we can't afford - I just want to meet a nice guy who I can break up with right after he installs my air conditioner. - It's too hot or cold or mild outside - I'm worried you'll use the crippling summer heat as an excuse to do even less around here. - I'm looking for a summer share that doesn't require me to chip in for utilities, transportation, food, beverages, or rent - No amount of tanning will ever change how hopelessly white you are. - Please stop wearing speedos - Complaining about the weather is a full-time job. - The summer heat has made me exhausted from trying to dress as slutty as everyone else - The only thing I hate more than people with summer houses are people who don't invite me to their summer houses. - It's too hot to argue with someone who doesn't believe in global warming. - I always appreciate you warning me about sunburn after I've gotten horribly sunburned - The immense, awe-inspiring power of the sun will once again be no match for my summer depression - I'd love to discuss joining a summer athletic league as long as it doesn't result in us joining a summer athletic league - I worry that global warming could extend wedding season - The beach is a great place to relieve the soul-crushing stress you build up in the traffic going to the beach. - My summer vacation consists of periodically noticing the exotic beach location I use as a desktop pattern. - Going home is a wonderful vacation from the people I share my summer rental with.