Advertising - Today's forecast calls for near record swamp ass.

It's a delicate ecosystem back there. - The best thing about a heat wave is constantly having the illusion you're getting exercise.

To complete the illusion, just wear workout clothes to the office.

And that would be true even if Shia Lebeouf were in the new one. - I hope my anus and genitals roasting in 95-degree weather all day doesn't turn you off from giving me oral sex tonight.

Best way to ensure you're not getting any tonight! - Let's go out into the scorching heat wave to avoid frostbite from our office air conditioning.

There is no such thing as a comfortable temperature during summer. - I'd be sexually aroused by your minimal summer clothing if I had any fluids left in my body.

Sex is the most important reason to stay hydrated. - Sorry this weather is requiring you to powder your balls in real time.

Powdered bro-nuts. - I'm worried you'll use the crippling summer heat as an excuse to do even less around here.

Like we need an excuse.