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Just write the alphabet with your tongue! Unless you never learned to read, in which case, just sign an X with your tongue!

We're not usually activists here at Happy Place, but we have to demand that Jennie Scott be set free. Jilberto reneged on the deal mid-69. She was twisted up into that insane position and, having upheld her end of the bargain by providing a completed six, he thinks he can just extricate himself with his withheld nine and walk away unscathed? That's clitoral abandonment! Far more disturbing than Jennie's completely appropriate reaction is the fact that this not only is the second such instance of a Florida man being beaten for being a terrible lay, it's the second instance in the same county! Gentlemen, if the frequent murders and weird sex and general over-tanned depravity weren't enough reasons to stay out of Florida, add the fact that your life is in grave danger if you don't know how to get a woman off. Ladies might put up with that up here in the northeast, but not in Manatee County.

Sources: Huffington Post | The Smoking Gun