Is that even a duck? (via Twitpic)
Probably the stupidest aspect of the Duck Dynasty's Phil Roberton homophobia controversy is that it has launched a national conversation (or at least national yelling) about homophobia and religion and the First Amendment—but everyone is forced to mention Duck Dynasty's Phil Robertson when sharing their views.
The one celebrity who could make us take this conversation even less seriously is probably Charlie Sheen, and luckily for us, Charlie Sheen weighed in yesterday with a poem he shared on Twittpic. He also shared the photo above of a duck (at least, I think that's a duck).
Full text of the poem below:
hey Mallard brained
you have offended and hurt so many dear friends of mine,
who DO NOT have the voice or the outreach that I do.
well news flash
I will speak loudly and clearly for ALL of them.
just when your desperately sub evolved ass thought the pressure was off,
you are now in the crosshairs of a MaSheen style media
(I'll try to keep the big words to a minimum as not to confuse you)
your statements were and are
the idea that you have a job
outside of dirt-clod stacking
is a miracle.
the only 'Dynasty' you are attached to might be the
re-runs of that dated show.
the only thing you should ever be in charge of building is a hole in the ground the exact size of your head.
perhaps your beard would fit as well if you plucked out the
army of scabies and
bull weevils sequestered deep in it's sarcophagus of dander and weasel pelts.
shame on you.
you're the only surviving
brain donor I've ever known.
when the gators and Egrets
kick you out of their
you need to make serious amends to those you have
on the eight day
when I was whittling my cosmic banjo,
I'm pretty sure YOU were the scattered dross I then used to light a fire and
locate the nearest
repulsed by you;
Duck; that was me.
It's a poem peppered with insults of Phil's beard and intelligence and clearly intended to make the reader go "Oh shit" a dozen or so times. We humbly suggest accusing Duck Dynasty of being a "dated show" might not be the most effective insult coming from the former star of Two-And-A-Half Men.
Other than that, this is the perfect cap on a perfectly moronic controversy.
(by Shira Rachel Danan)