5. Dustin Diamond, because he was convicted of stabbing someone.

Sentenced to a lifetime of being called "Screech." (Getty)

There are some unfortunate realities to being a former child star. One is that you can't go anywhere in public without being harassed by obnoxious gawkers, and the other is that you can't get away with stabbing those gawkers when they bug you. It's a lose-lose!

Dustin Diamond, most (only) famous for playing Screech on Saved by the Bell, was convicted of two misdemeanor charges in his trial for stabbing a man in a bar fight. On Christmas Day last year, Diamond and his fiancée Amanda Schultz were in a Wisconsin bar when patrons started badgering him for autographs. Witnesses say that Schultz pushed a woman and grabbed another, at which point she was punched in the face. Zack Morris would have just stopped time and gotten out of there, but Screech never had that power. So Diamond did what he could: he whipped out a pocketknife and began waving it around to scare off the crowd. After police were called and broke up the fight, one of the crowd members – 25-year-old Casey Smet – realized he had been cut.