5. Bernie Sanders, who was forced to address the question of whether he owns enough underwear.
On SNL this weekend, Larry David did a perfect impression of Bernie Sanders in a sketch about the Democratic Primary Debate. At one point, David as Sanders explains that he owns "one pair of underwear. That’s it. Some of these billionaires they have three, four pairs." The joke killed, and Sanders addressed the controversy at an event in Iowa City yesterday, saying, "Last week, I bought my second pair of underwear. That’s a joke. Please don’t write it down. I have an ample supply of underwear." So you claim, Bernie, but can you prove it?
4. Fake reviewers on Amazon, who are getting sued by the company for being fake reviewers.
Amazon, the extremely successful online retail giant, filed a lawsuit on Friday against 1,000 people who got paid $5 a pop to write fake positive product reviews. The integrity of user reviews is extremely important to the site, since they determine so much of what people buy. Wouldn't you rather buy an ice cube tray with 5 stars than an ice cube tray with 4 stars? If people start wantonly throwing around positive reviews, customers are going to get hurt (when their faulty ice cube trays crack). It's scary to think that we might not be able to trust strangers on the Internet.
3. Stephen Harper because his 10-year reign is probably coming to an end.
You know. Stephen Harper. The prime minister of Canada for the last decade? You had no idea who the prime minister of Canada was, did you? Oh well, there's no point in getting to know the leader of the Conservative Party now, because he is probably on the way out. Harper, who recently said he would support banning civil servants from wearing a niqab, has pushed the country to the right with stricter immigration policies and scaled back environmental protections. Today, voters, rightly terrified that Canada is starting to resemble America, headed to the polls to vote for Anyone Else. Seriously though, wouldn't you want to vote for Justin Trudeau of the Liberal Party?
2. Selena Gomez fans who never want her to have anything to do with Justin Bieber ever again.
Fans freaked this weekend when a duet apparently recorded by pop stars and exes Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber was briefly leaked on Drake's OVO Sound Radio. The song, called "Strong," has since been removed from Soundcloud, and all that remains are the frantic tweets of weak-kneed fans.
Every leak happens for a reason, so if you missed the song the first time around, there will definitely be more opportunities to listen to it and then wonder why you cared.
1. Rabbis everywhere, because Miley Cyrus chose to honor the Jewish religion with this outfit.
James Franco got bar mitzvahed this past Shabbos (Saturday, for you gentiles), and the entertainment was Miley Cyrus in a blue thong leotard, silver thigh-high boots, and Jewish Star wristbands. Never has the Jewish religion been so scandalously made a mockery of since, well, since James Franco had a bar mitzvah. The actor, 37, is Jewish, and had a real life bar mitzvah not long ago. This TV one, overseen by Rabbi Jeff Goldblum, was part of his and Seth Rogen's Hilarity for Charity fundraiser for Alzheimer's research. Zac Efron made a cameo as Franco's foreskin, which, if you think about it, makes perfect sense.