5. Mariah Carey, because her billboard was banned for too much boob.
Mariah Carey is preparing for her triumphant return to Las Vegas later this month, where she'll be performing at Caesars Palace. To promote her show, she was planning to fund two enormous billboards of herself by Burbank and Orange County airports. According to TMZ's sources, she even paid for the photo herself—an arty, erotic number featuring her world-famous breasts barely covered by a gold sheet, like something from a Bond movie.
But much to Mimi's dismay, the airports weren't happy with that kind of smut in their pollution factories. They shut down the billboards before they could be posted. But Carey isn't giving up. She's determined that every domestic flier in Southern California see the outline of her nipples. Now, it's an all-out war between two unstoppable forces: the transportation hub of America's largest city, and Mariah Carey.
4. Justin Bieber, because Selena Gomez is siding with his haters.
Justin Bieber got into it with his Beliebers like never before over the weekend, nearly alienating the millions of fans who devoted their tween lives to worshipping him. Apparently, they don't like his new girlfriend, model Sofia Riche. It got so bad, Biebs threatened to pull the plug on the fans' lifeline: his Instagram.
The caption reads:
I'm gonna make my Instagram private if you guys don't stop the hate this is getting out of hand. If you guys are really fans you wouldn't be so mean to people that I like.
But if it hurt to take that kind of shade from his fans, it must have been a thousand times worse when his ex, pop star who's more famous than him Selena Gomez, weighed in in the comments. At first she criticized him for oversharing about his relationship. But when he responded, she busted him for cheating, and the internet went nuclear.
Only one thing could cheer Justin Bieber after this kind of degradation: showing his penis again.
3. Demi Lovato, because she and her mom should not have joked about Zika.
Demi Lovato is also on the outs with her fans after she snapchatted her mom Dianna Hart drunkenly making this weird non-joke about the Zika virus on Friday:
The Snap was quickly deleted, but the damage was already done. After all, many people in Brazil ARE getting Zika, and many of them are babies. Commenters on Twitter were angry as hell.
Lovato wisely went into damage control mode with these tweets:
She really could have stopped at "deepest apologies."
2. Two burglars who got stoned and passed out in their getaway car.
Nobody could blame two Central California teenagers for wanting to celebrate after they successfully stole copper wire and other supplies from a construction site. But their triumphant blaze sesh could have waited until after they had made their getaway. Instead, cops found them passed out in a cloud of weed smoke inside their SUV, still parked outside the construction site. The officers literally had to wake them up to tell them they were arrested.
The car was still full of everything they had stolen, as well as a loaded gun, which was determined by investigators to be stolen as well. On the plus side, their gang-banging days are over, because no self-respecting gang would accept anybody who had done something that dumb.
1. Jennifer Aniston, because Justin Theroux got a terrible tattoo.
Justin Theroux, star of The Leftovers and much more importantly, Jennifer Aniston's husband, celebrated his 45th birthday the way most 18-year-olds do: by getting an awful tattoo. Seriously, what does this even mean?
Speaking of "never again," he should never again walk into a tattoo shop. He obviously doesn't have the judgment for it.
According to Theroux's caption, this ink is the work of celebrity tattoo artist Scott Campbell. Which is weird because it looks like it was done in prison. But the real question is: what does Jen think of this?
She's so cute when she's regretting her marriage.