5. Rob Kardashian, because his reality show is in danger.
After years of alienating his family by not wanting to constantly be on camera, black sheep Rob Kardashian has finally come out of his shell as a full-fledged reality star. He and fiancée Blac Chyna have a baby on the way, and they're filming their own reality show to document the pregnancy. But now, TMZ reports that Rob may be throwing it all away to slip back into his old vice: privacy.
According to sources within the show, Rob has failed to show up for a number of high-profile shooting days recently, including a major Kardashian party in honor of his grandmother. He's worried that filming the show is hurting his relationship with Blac Chyna in the same way that Keeping Up With The Kardashians hurt his family (by making them rich and famous). So to preserve his relationship, he's blowing his pregnant fiancée off and making her appear on camera without him. Let's hope that works out.
4. Selena Gomez, because men are terrified of her.
I’d be so stoked with a writer or producer or actor who is low-key, but those kind of guys are terrified of me!
What do they have to be terrified of? Just because she's the most famous person on Instagram, her rabid fans desperately want her to get back together with her ex, and that ex happens to be a psycho who's constantly surrounded by bodyguards and likes to sucker punch people.
Gomez explained that she herself doesn't understand why anyone would date her:
Because I think people would think it’s kind of dumb [to date me]. Nobody would want to throw themselves into that situation where it was so heightened publicly, like, why would they?
She should really believe in herself more. She's a catch! If 93 million Instagram followers don't bring her confidence, what hope do the rest of us have?
3. Jeb Bush, because his son turned on him.
After Jeb Bush was defeated in a really ugly primary battle by Donald Trump, he notably refused to endorse the new candidate. Now that Trump's poll numbers are in the gold-plated toilet, more and more Republicans are doing the same. But one rising GOP figure is hitching his wagon to the Trump train as it flies off the cliff: Jeb's son George P. Bush. Ouch.
Here's little George (the recently-elected Texas Land Commissioner, a stepping stone to Governor) explaining his position to GOP activists on Saturday:
Will George P.'s risky gambit pay off for him? Only if Trump wins. So, no.
2. This Scottish dad who was pranked into thinking nuclear war had broken out.
To be honest, it's kind of his fault for being so gullible. If anyone was firing nukes, it wouldn't be Russia. It would be President Trump.
1. A truck driver who spilled beer all over the Brooklyn Queens Expressway.
New Yorkers love two things: beer, and complaining about traffic. So today is a great day for them. Early Monday morning, a Budweiser truck overturned on the famously congested Brooklyn-Queens Expressway, sending cans of beer flying all over the road. Cars were backed up four miles as first responders valiantly tried to clear the beer off the road without drinking it.
It's hardly the first time beer has made thousands of New Yorkers late for work, but it is the first time a hangover wasn't involved.