5. Rob Kardashian, because Blac Chyna is gone.
The Kardashian Dynasty is built on drama, so at this point we're not surprised when it crops up again. But there's something depressing about Blac Chyna walking out on Rob Kardashian just six weeks after giving birth to their daughter Dream. It's as predictable and bleak as any plot twist on Keeping Up with the Kardashians.
Chyna went above and beyond to make the split TV-worthy, leaving while Rob was away from home without telling him. Instead, she let him find out the same way the rest of the world did, by reading her juicy Instagram post (which has since been deleted).
Now, the two are publicly feuding through Instagram comments. It's a sad end to a relationship that was honestly never very happy. But at least they're both still rich.
4. Anna Faris, because she had to pony up $5k for giving away her dog.
Anna Faris had some buyer's remorse about her rescue Chihuahua, and now it's costing her cold hard cash. TMZ reports that the House Bunny star adopted the dog, named Pete, from an organization called Kinder4Rescue. But later, either she or her husband Chris Pratt decided Pete wasn't working out, and gave him to someone else.
Somehow, Pete got away from his new owner and wound up half-starved on the street. When Kinder4Rescue got him back, they checked his microchip and traced him back to Faris. Unfortunately for her, part of the contract she had signed with the rescue organization stipulated she pay a $5,000 fine if she gave the dog away without notifying them—and pay she did.
Now Pete is back up for adoption. You can rescue him yourself, if you want the novelty of owning a dog who was once kicked out of Chris Pratt's house.
3. Donald Trump, because he got snubbed by Rocky.
Last week, rumors were swirling that President-elect Donald Trump was considering nominating Hollywood legend Sylvester Stallone as chairman of the National Endowment of the Arts. This choice would have brought some much-needed diversity to Trump's cabinet (because while every other nominee is a rich white man, Stallone is a rich white movie star).
But on Sunday, Stallone knocked those rumors down in the first round, issuing a statement that he would turn down any such nomination in favor of his true passion, working with returning veterans. Of course, both Stallone and Trump has long and complicated relationships with veterans. Stallone played "one-man army" Rambo in four movies, while Trump once said that veterans suffering from PTSD are "not strong." So it's not surprising that Stallone would steer clear.
Almost a year ago, the actor had this to say about Trump's candidacy (which at the time, was a longshot):
I love Donald Trump. He’s a great Dickensian character. You know what I mean? There are certain people like Arnold, Babe Ruth, that are bigger than life. But I don’t know how that translates [laughs] to running the world.
Well, we're about to find out.
2. A cop who broke into a car to save a mannequin.
Police officers in Hudson, NY were alarmed on Friday when a call came in from a "very upset" citizen who claimed to have found an old woman "frozen to death" inside a parked car. They immediately left to investigate, finding a snow-covered Subaru that looked like it hadn't been moved in a while. In the passenger seat was an old woman in an oxygen mask, totally still.
A sergeant broke a window to see if the woman was OK, and discovered the horrible truth. Not only was she not alive, she had never been alive. The "old woman" was actually an extremely lifelike mannequin.
Now THAT is terrifying. Baffled, the officers tracked down the car's owner, who turned out to be the sales manager for a company that manufactures medical training aids. He was transporting this nightmarish educational tool by keeping it in the passenger seat of his car, parked on the street in the middle of town. And he had even buckled it in, for god knows what reason.
Despite doing everything he possibly could to make this horrible doll look like a real corpse, the salesman was extremely upset. In a press release, HPD Chief L. Edward Moore said:
It is my understanding that the owner was incredulous that we took action in this matter. He apparently was quite vocal and vulgar to my sergeant.
Even if he didn't do it, this guy sounds like the sort of psychopath who'd leave his mother locked in an icy car. Chief Moore added this warning:
Just to clear the record, all citizens of Hudson should be put on notice that if you park your locked vehicle on the street on a sub-zero night with a life-size realistic mannequin seated in it ... we will break your window.
Tough but fair.
1. A woman who found a venomous snake hiding in her Christmas tree.
Most of us are shocked when we open our box of Christmas decorations every year. We don't recognize half of the crappy ornaments that we were given by all our crappy relatives in years past. But if you see an ornament you don't recognize on your Christmas tree, and it's moving… that's when you panic.
A woman named Cheryl from the suburbs of Melbourne, Australia lived that nightmare this past weekend. A glinting bit of tinsel on her tree turned out to be a deadly three-foot tiger snake. She called her local snake catcher, Barry Goldsmith, who did the only responsible thing—he posted about it on Facebook.
Goldsmith's post reads:
Cheryl from Frankston got an early Christmas surprise this morning when she found a new decoration had been added to her tree.
She didn't panic, she just took a photo and sent it to the snake catcher, me, and 20 minutes later I had the little bugger in a bag.
Ho Ho Ho
Have a happy and safe holiday season and be nice to snakes.
That's a good lesson. After all, Santa knows if you've been nice to snakes. If you've been naughty, he'll put a lump of coal in your stocking. But if you've been nice, he'll put a snake in there.