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5. Sean Spicer, because he got trolled hard on his first day as press secretary.

Sean Spicer trying to blow down a little piggy's house.
Sean Spicer trying to blow down a little piggy's house.
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Being the White House press secretary has always been a thankless job. But on his first day, President Trump's new hire Sean Spicer made the next four years much more difficult for himself by straight-up lying about something that isn't even important: how many people showed up for the inauguration on Friday.

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His brief statements focused entirely on how the media has covered the inauguration, ignoring any other possible questions the press might have about the incoming administration's policies or its countless scandals. Furthermore, he definitively made two incorrect assertions that are very easy to debunk: that this was the first time floor coverings had been used on the Washington Mall, and that the inauguration was the best-attended in US history.

Twitter immediately got on Spicer's ass, trolling him with the hashtag #SpicerFacts, which immediately went viral.

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Then on Sunday, Trump adviser and honorary redcoat Kellyanne Conway defended Spicer on Meet the Press, rebranding his lies as "alternative facts." Of course, that immediately became a hashtag too.

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Considering how much President Trump loves Twitter, his staff should really get savvier about preventing themselves from being hashtagged. Or else the next four years are going to be hell for them (and not just for the rest of us).


4. Madonna, because she's still trying to backpedal on that whole "blow up the White House" comment.

She's seamlessly transitioned from sex symbol to violent anarchist.
She's seamlessly transitioned from sex symbol to violent anarchist.
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On Saturday, an estimated 500,000 protestors descended on Washington to take part in the Women's March. And in a truly amazing feat, there were zero arrests, making it one of the most successful nonviolent demonstrations in history. But the White House still felt threatened by one protestor: Madonna. The venerable pop star was the final speaker at the event, and although her speech was generally positive, she made one ill-advised comment that will haunt her for a long time.

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Although she said she WASN'T going to blow up the White House, it's still an alarming idea to mention. Kellyanne Conway said the comments were "destructive," and for once she was technically correct. The Secret Service even said it would investigate Madonna for the comments, because it is obligated to look into any comment made that even implies violence against the president.

Madonna quickly backed down, apologizing and releasing a statement on Instagram to explain exactly what she meant.

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Madonna inspired a lot of women last year when she said, "The most controversial thing I've done is stick around." But this might be even more controversial than that. I mean, she said she wanted to blow up the White House.


3. Stacey Dash, because Fox News fired her.

Her dreams were Dashed.
Her dreams were Dashed.
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Stacey Dash is most famous for her supporting role in Clueless and for being completely insane. In the last year, she's gone viral a number of times after making controversial statements like "There shouldn't be a Black History Month," "BET lies to American black people," and trans people should pee "in the bushes." Real high-octane crazy.

That penchant for creating headlines made Dash perfect for her job as a Fox News contributor, but in the wake of that network's own high-profile scandals, it seems like she's finally become too hot to handle. After not putting her on the air since September, Fox has finally confirmed that Dash's contract was not renewed.

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It looks like from now on, she'll have to stick to making psycho comments on Twitter. Unfortunately, that's also where people are gathering to make fun of her.

Maybe she could be Sean Spicer's fact-checker.


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2. A truck driver who lost his marbles… literally!

It seems like everyone in Washington DC is losing their marbles these days. But one truck driver REALLY lost his marbles when his trailer disconnected on I-465 in Indianapolis on Saturday, scattering his cargo all over the roadway. And considering that he was hauling 38,000 lbs of marbles, you could certainly say he lost them… literally!

It looks like this driver lost 38,000 lbs of his marbles… literally.

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I'm sorry to keep repeating that incredibly obvious "lost his marbles" joke, but come on. How often does a pun that perfect fall into your lap? As a writer, I spend a lot of time trying to think of lame puns to accompany stories, and it can be extremely frustrating. It's enough to make me lose my marbles… figuratively!


1. A driver who was caught skipping out on $56,000 worth of tolls.

The scenic George Washington Bridge is famous for connecting New York City and New Jersey, and for destroying Chris Christie's career.
The scenic George Washington Bridge is famous for connecting New York City and New Jersey, and for destroying Chris Christie's career.
Shutterstock
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Commuting is a huge pain in the ass, there's no denying that. But one thrifty man won't have to worry about it anymore, because his car was impounded after he was caught dodging hundreds and hundreds of tolls. Smart move!

31-year-old Alesandel Rodriguez was arrested on Saturday morning after police spotted his 2014 Toyota Camry blowing through an EZPass lane without paying on New York City's George Washington Bridge. His car had no front or rear license plates, but did have a New York state tag in the back windshield—one that expired in December.

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If this seems suspicious to you, you should become a detective. Cops discovered that Rodriguez had an outstanding warrant in Teaneck, NJ, and also learned this wasn't his first time skipping out on a toll. Tracing his vehicle, they connected it to 888 separate EZPass violations in the last five years. In total, he owed Uncle Sam $56,240 in tolls and fees.

Rodriguez was charged with theft of services. Police impounded his hot wheels, turned him over to Teaneck PD, and issued him several traffic summonses. It seems like a light sentence, considering he got away with this scheme for five years. This sends a dangerous message to would-be toll skippers. In all honestly, I'm thinking about hopping the turnstyle on my next subway trip into work. All these fares are making me lose my marbles!