5. Casey Affleck, because he got snubbed at the SAG Awards.
Going into Sunday's SAG Awards, Manchester by the Sea star Casey Affleck was heavily favored to win the award for best male actor in a leading role. After he took home the Golden Globe for that performance, everyone assumed he had this one in the bag. Those who disagreed generally thought it would go to Ryan Gosling for La La Land. But in the end, they were all wrong. In a major upset, Denzel Washington gave those young whippersnappers the business by winning for his role in Fences.
What's more, this may signal that Hollywood is finally turning on Casey Affleck, follwing revelations that he settled a lawsuit by two women for sexual misconduct and sexual harassment back in 2010. Brie Larson was clearly uncomfortable presenting Affleck with his Golden Globe, but the fact that he won the award seemed to indicate that the showbiz establishment was giving him a pass (a.k.a. the Mel Gibson treatment).
But the SAG decision may indicate a sea change for the younger, as-yet-less-sad Affleck brother. Brie Larson certainly seemed to take satisfaction from it.
He must hate Brie Larson at this point.
4. Justin Bieber, because he got checked hard by an NHL pro.
Brace yourself—if you're one of Justin Bieber's many haters, you're about to see your favorite photo of all time.
That's 6'6" Arizona Coyotes defenceman Chris Pronger slamming the 5'9" Bieber against the wall during Saturday's NHL All-Star Celebrity Shootout in Los Angeles. Feel free to take a moment to soak it in. Just look at how happy Pronger is.
And because you've been very, very good, here's a video.
Pronger, who has been suspended eight times in his 18-year career, will face a hearing with the Department of Player Safety in regards to the bodycheck. But in all likelihood, he'll be let off scot-free on the grounds that it's Justin Bieber and everyone wanted to see that happen.
No word yet on whether Bieber damaged his huge hog.
3. Mariah Carey's ex James Packer, because she recut her reality show to make it look like she dumped him.
Back in October, tabloids reported that Mariah Carey had been dumped by her fiancé, Australian Billionaire James Packer. And it certainly seemed like that was the case when she demanded a $50 million settlement from him, despite the fact that they WEREN'T EVEN MARRIED.
What made things even more awkward is that at the time, Mimi was in the middle of recording her reality series Mariah's World. Producers had to scramble to cut Packer out of the series at his request. Instead, they constructed a new narrative about Carey's budding romance with her backup dancer, Bryan Tanaka. And it certainly seems like Carey had some role in this story, because she comes up smelling like roses in it.
Last night, the finale of the eight-part series aired. As Perez Hilton notes, the climax comes in a ham-handed scene where Carey and Tanaka get cozy in a gazebo, and he asks her if she's going to marry Packer. She responds, "I don't even know what I think anymore… Sometimes maybe people aren't supposed to be happy." Then he says, "I think everybody should be happy," and kisses her hand. Oh brother.
The finale also contains Carey singing part of a new song, I Don't, which seems to be about Packer. The scene ends with her dramatically placing her wedding ring on the music stand. That same night, she teased the song in an Instagram video.
Let this be a reminder: NOBODY DUMPS MARIAH CAREY AND GETS AWAY WITH IT.
2. A Florida deputy who was busted for robbing drunk drivers.
If there's one group of people who don't deserve a lot of sympathy, it's drunk drivers. But that doesn't mean it's OK for cops to start picking their pockets for some extra pocket cash. Even in Florida.
The Daytona Beach News-Journal reports that Volusia County Sheriff's Deputy Josh Braman has been placed on leave pending an investigation into multiple accusations of theft. According to the accusers, Deputy Braman had a specific M.O. for his petty crime spree—he would pull over somebody who was driving totally wasted, turn off his body camera, and then take money out of their wallet. Apparently, he would explain that he was turning off his camera for "police tactics." (Which sounds like the most suspicious thing a cop could possibly say.)
Braman's superior, Sheriff Mike Chitwood, released this video statement to reassure the people of Volusia County that not all of their public servants are sticky-fingered pickpockets.
But once you read out next story, you might be less reassured.
1. A Florida deputy who was busted for stealing an old woman's dog and money, then trying to murder her.
What the hell is going on with cops in Florida?! After you read this, you're going to think that guy who robbed drunk drivers is a saint.
The Miami Herald reports that Sarasota Country Sheriff's Deputy Frankie Eugene Bybee has been arrested following accusations that he infiltrated a 79-year-old woman's life in the hopes of bilking her for all she was worth and then killing her off.
It started on October 21 of last year, when Bybee, an 18-year veteran of the force who had been a detective but was working as a patrol deputy at the time (always a good sign), responded to a call at the woman's house. After that, he "befriended" her, visiting her regularly both on- and off-duty.
When she was hospitalized, he agreed to look after her dog, accepting a check for $1,000 in case the dog needed medical care. Instead, he deposited the check and gave the dog away on Craigslist. And if only that's where the sleaziness ended.
On January 9, four checks from the woman's bank account were written out to Bybee and his three children, totaling $65,000. They were placed in an envelope addressed to Bybee, and when the victim told police she hadn't written them, the sheriff's office found Bybee's fingerprints on them. At that point, he was placed on administrative leave, but not arrested. Big mistake.
Three days later, Bybee broke into the woman's house at night, enraged that she had gotten him in trouble. He attempted to force her sleeping pills down her throat, at which point she passed out. When she came to, her garage door was open and her car was running. When the cops learned about this, they finally fired Deputy Bybee.
Now, the disgraced deputy is charged with larceny, exploitation of the elderly of $50,000 or more, forgery, burglary of an occupied dwelling, battery on a person 65 or older, and attempted murder. Records show that he has been the subject of five previous internal investigations.
Maybe it's time sheriff's offices in Florida started implementing some of that "extreme vetting" we keep hearing about.