5. Donald Trump Jr., because he confessed to colluding with Russia.
Yesterday, the New York Times reported that last June, during his dad's campaign for president, Donald Trump Jr. explicitly met with a Russian official to get dirt on Hillary Clinton. After months of lying about never meeting with Russians, and a day (day!) of lying that the meeting was exclusively about adoption policies, Junior is now straight-up admitting it, but insisting that it's NBD.
Updated Trump Jr. timeline:— Mark Berman (@markberman) July 10, 2017
March: I had no mtgs
Sat: I did, about adoption
Sun: I was expecting dirt on Hillary
Mon: And it's no big deal pic.twitter.com/HiNQiJlEYY
And bro really is Donald Trump Jr., because he doesn't know that in such times of legal jeopardy, one does not simply tweet their mind.
Please note, that the Trump team's DEFENSE is that they took a meeting for dirt on their opponent, but didn't get anything juicy, so it shouldn't count. That is the DEFENSE.
No person shall knowingly solicit, accept, or receive from a foreign national any contribution or donation prohibited by paragraphs (b) through (d) of this section.
Trump Jr. himself stated that he solicited something of value (the dirt) from a foreign entity (the Russian lawyer).
Oh, and to make matters even worse for Lil' Donnie, his dad woke up this morning to defend his kid—but not him. Papa Trump defended Ivanka for officially pretending to be President of the United States at the G20 conference. Junior is almost certainly singing this song while crying in the shower right now.
If he actually faces consequences, Donald Trump Jr.'s going to get such an insulting nickname in prison like "Donald Trump Jr."
4. Rob Kardashian, because he got restraining ordered.
TMZ reports that the Boy Kardashian's lawyer—none other than Robert Shapiro of O.J. trial fame—appeared in court on Monday morning and told the judge that he won't fight Chyna's restraining order and will refrain from attacking her on social media.
The John Travolta character added that Kardashian "'regrets' his social media rampage and his only concern now is baby Dream."
Hell hath no fury like a Rob Kardashian scorned, who turned his heartbreak into a vicious revenge porn campaign, leaking Blac Chyna's nudes without her consent.
We'll see him in court.
3. Kendall and Kylie, because they only sold two shirts and are being sued over them.
More Kardashian kourtroom drama! Kendall and Kylie Jenner are being sued by one of the photographers of the Tupac pictures they co-opted for their dumb shirts. The sisters' "vintage" band shirts featured their visages copied onto people who have actually contributed to culture, like Tupac and KISS, and their respective estates were pissed.
Photographer Michael Miller accused the Jenner sisters of using photos he took of Tupac without his permission.
The collection was pulled after Ozzy Osbourne's wife Sharon and the Notorious B.I.G.'s mom complained about the Jenners using their faces on $125 t-shirts.
The Kendall + Kylie brand responded to the lawsuit that the accusations of copyright infringement "are completely false and the lawsuit is baseless," and that it's not like they made money off important peoples' faces, because only 2 (TWO!) Tupac shirts were sold.
Back to lip gloss, girls.
2. The marijuana growers who got trolled by the police.
Cops can make some pretty dank memes while busting crops.
A weed farmer in Oxford, England had their plants "seized and destroyed" by cops over the weekend after a tip off from a total narc.
After digging up the plants, the Thames Valley Police decided to have some more fun, leaving the grower a cheeky note. It's one thing to get busted, but then the fuzz going all cute and viral just adds insult to injury.
"Ooops! Sorry we missed each other but feel free to call me on 101 so we can discuss a deal. Lots of love, TVP xx," the note read.
It's funny even if you aren't high.
1. The kid whose head got bitten by a bear.
It's difficult to bear.
Dylan, a 19-year-old camp counselor in Colorado, awoke at 4 AM on yesterday to "crunching sounds" as a bear was casually chewing on his head.
"The crunching noise, I guess, was the teeth scraping against the skull as it dug in," Dylan told Denver's ABC affiliate, "It grabbed me... and pulled me. Then it bit the back of my head and (dragged) me."
But Dylan ain't afraid—he's a pro.
He teaches wilderness survival at Glacier View Ranch and isn't going to stop now.
"I'm not afraid of the bears. I'm not afraid of sleeping outside anymore. You just have to be aware and respect the animals," Dylan said.