5. George Clooney, because he's feeling the Bern in a bad way.
On April 15, Tax Day (how ironic), George Clooney and his wife Amal will hold a fundraiser for Hillary Clinton, with some guests paying more than $350,000 for two seats. That had better be one amazing meal.
While there are certainly wealthy, politically active people who would pay that much money to support Clinton and gaze upon Clooney's impossibly chiseled face, not everyone is happy about the event. Chief among them is Clinton's rival, Bernie Sanders. Sanders and his supporters see fundraising like this as emblematic of the fundamental problems with American democracy today, as well as a sign of why Clinton is compromised as a candidate.
Sanders used an appearance on CNN's State of the Union to express those sentiments, and throw a little indirect shade on Clooney, as well.
While Sanders expressed admiration for Clooney as an actor and a guy, he also called the fundraiser "obscene." This will really hurt Clooney's appeal among millennials, many of whom love Bernie, and only barely remember their parents watching E.R.
4. Margaret Cho, because she was a little too edgy for a New Jersey crowd.
Comedian Margaret Cho headlined the Stress Factory in New Brunswick, NJ over the weekend, but after starting her set with some pretty dark material, she found herself faced with a hostile crowd. TMZ reports that Cho spoke at length about her own tragic past as a rape survivor, and the recent death of comedy legend Garry Shandling, before launching into a rant about the easy lives of white people.
The audience, who presumably had hoped for more impressions of Cho's mother, reacted negatively. Cell phone video caught the deeply uncomfortable exchange that occurred after a significant portion of the crowd had already walked out.
As you can see in the clip, crowd members demanded their money back, to which Cho replied, "You will never get a cent of the money back that you paid." Yikes.
Although many people speculated that Cho's behavior was due to being stoned (obviously they've never smoked pot), the famously herb-loving comic disputed that on Twitter:
While she has an excellent point about rape survivors needing to tell their stories, she could have left out the part about jetlag. It's not helping, Cho.
3. Donald Trump, because somebody made a very macabre threat against him.
This may not be a threat, but if it isn't, it makes even less sense. New Yorkers were shocked (as much as they can be) over the weekend to discover that some prankster with an Edgar Allan Poe vibe had placed a full-sized tombstone for Donald Trump in Central Park.
The inscription read, "Made America Hate Again," a play on Trump's slogan "Make America Great Again." All in all, an expensive way to make a pretty lazy pun. But the fact that it was on a tombstone may be more significant, because that's scary. Even Trump's most passionate detractors (there are many, and they are passionate) haven't called for his death. And even though the tombstone didn't include a death date, it still reads as pretty threatening.
Officials have since removed the tombstone from the park, which came as a relief to many. If there's one thing New York City doesn't need, it's another thing with Trump's name on it.
2. Kylie Jenner, because she had to watch Dave Chappelle make fun of her dad.
Dave Chappelle was performing for a sold-out crowd at the Palladium in Hollywood over the weekend when he went into a more than six-minute riff about Caitlyn Jenner, reminiscing about how she was "beating Africans" at the Olympics in the 70s, when she was known as Bruce. As TMZ reports, the crowd ate it up, except for one person: Jenner's daughter Kylie.
Kylie was sitting in the VIP section with her (STILL) boyfriend Tyga, who reportedly enjoyed the bit about his prospective future father-in-law. But Kylie kept a straight face throughout, which must have been a challenge considering her lips' constant reflex to form into a duck face.
1. Kids whose Easter egg hunt was ruined by sugar-crazed psycho parents.
Thousands of people turned up to the third annual Easter egg hunt in Orange, CT on Saturday morning. Hosted by Pez (of course the candy lobby is behind this), the event turned out to be much more popular than expected, and the throngs of egg-hungry families quickly overwhelmed the organizers. The poor Pez employees had their heads blown back.
Local station WFSB reports that parents rushed the egg-laden field before organizers could officially start the hunt, clambering over each other to find the hidden treasure in a frenzy of sugar-induced mass hysteria. Although the event was meant to be split into three stages based on the children's ages, all rules were thrown out the window, and those very children were made to suffer.
One parent, Nicole Welch, told WFSB, "When my son left, he had a broken basket and was hysterically crying." Pez attempted to make things right by offering the kids free stuff, but only if they waited in a long line. Much like Creme Eggs, the whole affair left everyone with a bad taste in their mouths.
It's a tough break for Pez, which was so thoroughly punished for attempting to put on a free event. But it's even worse for the kids, whose memories of Easter will forever be even more traumatic than usual.